Words that scar

so recently ive come to the realization(im like buzzing right now) that im actually still not over what happened between me and my ex. u see, he was my first, first, well pretty much everything, and ive had more since then, i mean, we broke up 2 years ago, and sure, im over the break up….what im not over, is how it happened, it was just….so traumatizing…..i cant even believe how 5 simple words can scar u so much….but they did….ive realized, im not open to love, im not open to people since this has happened. and now that i think about it, i used to be so fragile, i used to be so open to these sorts of things, and now, i dont get emotionally atached like i once did, i dont that same feeling i used to get. when i find i actually like someone, i pull myself away….i dont want to ever get hurt likie dat ever again, i dont, i dont, i dont, nnonionnoononononasiofhuig'[graefhg=
NO
fuk that!
i realize, love is pain, love is hard, but i also like to think that its worth it…..but why cant i open myself up to it…..3 months ago, i had my then boyfriend say he loves me, and all i did, was smirk, and brush it off, and then i broke up with him, and felt nothing, no shame, no pity, no bad feelings, just NOTHING….
currently, im almost sure im in love with my best friend smiley….but, ive also pulled away from him….but maybe its a good thing, hes bi, and hes into girls, maybe its a good thing i pulled away….but i dont wanna pull away from everything….
my question is….how am i supposed to open up to love again, when i cant get over the numbness…
haha, how emo of me =/

i posted this on a thread earlier…..

the words he said that were too much for me was…

"Don’t get too attached"

Why were these words so hard on me?

we were both attached, we had both been saying i love you….the most meorable thing was when he called me to leave me a message that he just wanted to let me know that he loves me, and was thinking about me….

thats why these words affected me so…