holy fak dude, i was such a little emo kid! xD
so ive been reading my past entries from like 2 years ago and a year ago and i gotta say…
WTF! omg dude, ive change SOOO FKIN MUCH!
i was such a little emo kid back then! suicide? anger issues? cutting? complaining about my parents? WOW
ok so
1. i dont think about sucide anymore and if i do, pshh i prbly dont remember because its so mior
2. cutting…yea i do get the urge, hell i got the urge just thinking about it, and now i cant stop scratching my wrist(mild OCD) because i want to feel it again >.< but i WONT, because well….my best friend smiley would fkin KILL ME xD my big teddy bear <3 such a cholo mother fker, so intimidating, but i know hes just big teddy bear, haha, he says everytime he walks alone, people try to avoid eye contact with him, and everytime im with him, people look at us strange because we dont mix, hell everydat im wearing black all over, sometimes eyeliner, and there he is, right beside me, with his wifebeater shirt, and baggy pants, and we’re just fking laughing our asses off and joking about how people are looking at us weird xD hahaha, omg its so awsome,
omg, there i go rambling again…anyways…oh wait! then theres the neverending discussions! omg i LOVE those!!! we talk about one thing, then we jump to something else, then it remind him of this one time, which reminds of this thing we have to do, which reminds him what he always wanted to do, which makes me wanna do that, which makes us schedule something, which reminds me of this one time that this thing happened, and then after like an hr, we have completely forgot what we were talking about in the first place! xD it actually does get in the way of us talking about important things we have to do xD cuz it ALWAYS happens! even when we’re having those heart to heart convesations about life and meaning and all deep and stuff, but we somehow manage to finish those conversations at least =P
ANYWAYS!!! wtf was i talking about with the number….oh right
3. ive gotten a hold of my anger…..err, well actually not so much, i mean, like 2 months ago i tried to choke my brother for something stupid, and my uncle had to come in the room and pull me off him(pshh, my brother rlly thought i wasnt gonna do it, dont fkin tease me dumbass, u should know what im capable of when im angry) i cried afterwards in my room at my safe corner, its an emo moment, i guess i do have some of it left in me lol ahh, my safe little corner, always there when i need it =P
4. i rlly dont care what my parents are doing, let alone how their lives are going, im not very close to my family anyways, yea its a bad thing i guess, but ehh,
5.ive controlled my drinking, yes, sure i get drunk sometimes, but i dont get emotional, if in DO start feeling emotional i usually just leave before i do something stupid lol i dont drink as much as i used to either =P and i found good friends and good people, even though i attract a lot of bad people to me xD
now about nini, u know, my ex, holy crap dude, like WOW, all that stuff i wrote about him, i read it, i am such an IDIOT xD 241 guys? rlly? i was that fkin gullible? no, thats way too fkin many, WAY TOO MANY, i just realized, by reading ,my past entried of what an asshole he actually was, like dude, what the fuck did i ever see in him? at least he made me open up more about how a relationship actually works, u know, im waay more open than how i used to be =P less gullible too, he was such a fkin compulsive liar dude!
wow, ive changed so much, i guess joining open diary 3 years ago did pay off =) i can read about my life back then =) some of the entries i had completely forgotten that that happened in my life, it jogged my memory a bit, good job shugo, u did awsome job choosing this =P *not sarcasm* <====rlly, not sarcasm(i mean it, cuz it sounds kinda sarcastic xD so hard to put tone into these things =P)