Lonely
Is it too much to ask for? Just to be loved by someone. A romantic I can’t live without you kind, like I have for her. I know they say that if you truly love someone you should be happy that they’re happy, but that sucks. That works if the two of you sat down and cried together about your fading romance and relationship. Instead I was sent to work with a kiss and came home to a end. No reason, no explanation, no talking. The few times she did talk was to say she’s done and move out. Not at any time in our 20 years was she like this, so unfeeling.
Now it’s all gone. It’s been over 3 years now and I’m still struggling with it and broken physically, mentally, and financially. I can’t believe I was destroyed for money and the lying whispers of another man.
It’s not just that. All the things they tell you to do to forget and move on just never happened for me. No friends to hang with or talk to. Oh I tried, but a day later they wrote me off and never wanted to talk to me about anything. What family I have didn’t helped to have some sort of normalcy either. My body is fighting me too. Cancer scare, horrible painful knees, no sleep. My mind won’t calm no matter what I do.
I just want friend who I can sit with and feel comfortable with. Someone that’s not judgemental that’s willing to spend time even as I’m healing.
I know. Nothing happens like the articles and books say…. When will you know if it’s cancer? Any doctor’s appointments coming up?
@catholicchristian I saw the urologist today and it’s not “cancer” but according to the CXBladder test, it’s possible and more tests need to be done. I will probably go to Roswell in Buffalo and get more pokes and prods.
@newt316 That’s good. Please keep us posted.
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Whether you love her or not, it’s hard to be happy for someone who ruined your life.
@happyathome Sometimes I feel like I ruined my life and I was dragging her down with me.
@newt316 Do you just feel like that, or is it true?
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You should start on a new path. Change your entire dynamic. Get a fish. Learn a new hobby. Once your life is flowing in a whole new direction you’ll find that opportunities for engagement start opening up.
@scarletibis First comment, yes I do feel that way. I see how she and the kids have thrived afterward, so it had to be me, right?
I have been trying so hard with the new “path”, I really have. It’s just kind of hard for a middle-aged man, who was so dependent on his ex, kids, and family for happiness, to see the bright side. It was who I was essentially for the entirety of my life since 18 and I never thought of another way to live. Besides here, making friends and having dates have been very unsuccessful for me. I mean, flashbacks of the day she said she was done kind of bad. I’ve been called “creepy” by people I know when all I asked was to sit down and have coffee. I’ve been called too old by women just 5 – 10 yrs younger. I been told that they weren’t ready or didn’t want to be in a relationship only to find out a few days later they just jumped into one. No, I haven’t been “actively” searching, but the several time I have this has been the way that my efforts end. Maybe I am making too much of being 51, but every day there is a person my age or younger dying and being possibly sick, mortality is really eating at my brain.
@newt316 I’m 51 too. And while I’m married, I have very few friends and would like to make more. I’m disabled though, so it’s hard. You can’t see my disability either, so that makes it hard to explain too. So I understand it being difficult to play the role you want to play in life.
Do you have a pet? Do you have a hobby? You should find something to be into that takes you into a new dynamic, that forces you to be in new places with new people. Have a dog? Dog parks, training, doggy play dates. Like old cars? Car shows, car conventions. Any fandoms? Antiques? You see what I’m saying? You want to find yourself amongst others who like what you like. And get out there. Be seen. Don’t flirt with strangers. It IS considered creepy these days. Meet people and talk. Find someone who is more interesting than hot. It lasts longer.
@scarletibis 😊
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