4/27/2022
So I’ve been making an active effort to not think about things, at all. Just floating on the outside of myself looking in as I go through the motions of the day-to-day. I’m not making plans or anything and just letting the past thoughts, hurts, and betrayals just slam up against the little bubble I’ve wrapped around me. Yes, I realize that this isn’t the way to deal with things, but it’s the only way for me right now.
Patty wanted me to take my son to karate Friday, but I just cannot. I little crack in the bubble. She has to know/understand that she put me in this situation and never stopped once to show a bit of compassion. Where did the woman I loved for 20 years go? Who is this person she is now? How does someone act like you were never in their life when they live in your childhood home, with your children, and constant memories of the family that took you in as their daughter and sister? That’s what haunts me. Not losing the relationship anymore or her love. Not even the security and fulfilled life I had ripped away from me. So, as much as I want to take him I can’t. I honestly do not have money for gas and “fingers crossed” will just have enough to get to work until next Friday. I didn’t put myself in this position, she did. I was left penniless and homeless then, with just promises that were all broken. I restarted my life with over $12000 in debt from the marriage, while she sugar daddies herself up and never skipped a beat and wonders why after 3 years I just haven’t somehow been rolling in cash.
Whatever, either way, I will be guilted by her and my sister who was supposed to take him. I’m sure he likes it well enough, but it’s just one more thing my sister starts for my boys without asking and then throws into our laps without thinking about what we have going on and it always is my fault. Everything is.
Is it too much to ask to have someone to date, talk to, and have company? Of course, everyone knows that I’m not ready, because it doesn’t matter how I actually feel. You see, no one has ever lifted a finger to talk to me, console me, support me, or help me since the marriage ended, but they all seem to know how I’m supposed to think and act. So I have to be the unfeeling dancing monkey, the scapegoat and push over when only they want or need me to.
Did you explain to her why you couldn’t take him? Not that it would probably make any difference to her but dang, it’s not like you are telling her you just don’t want to do it. It’s either take him or be able to go to work this week. Truly, truly frustrating!!
And no, it’s not too much to ask to have someone to talk to and date…not asking too much at all. I think having someone is just what you need to be able to move past the past three years. Others probably won’t agree with me.
@happyathome I’m liking the new pic. I did explain, but she’s so clouded in the delusions him and her new yenta friends have filled her head with.
@newt316 Thank you 🙂
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I know you said that is wasn’t a good thing, but I a lil glad that you are restricting what you think about and let bother you. There is only so much a person can do and you do seem to try.
Yeah people can be very self-centered and selfish, but all you can do it be honest and help when you can. I think that, even though other people may taint your character when they talk to your sons, be honest with them and let them know that you do think about them and that if you could you would help in anyway you can. At the end of the day they are all that matter.
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