Life is Wonderful…

Jason Mraz is one of those artists that really puts true meaning to his lyrics. I have never been much of a fan of this song of his, but today I finally got the meaning in it…well at least I heard a way in which it can mean something to me.

I remember the first time I told my husband that I loved him. I was working at Exclusive Books, at the time, and during our end of year staff party at some club/bar in the CBD, I sneaked out the club and while it was raining around me I called my husband, who was just my boyfriend at the time…he was a guy that was in a different Province, and we hadn’t seen each other for a little over a year, but after talking to him every night on WhatsApp and on the phone I knew it…I was in love with him.

WHY? Speaking to him made me feel good, I would look forward to the time in the day when we would talk to each other, things he used to say made me feel as if I understood him and he understood me….and of course the guy I saw in video chat and the guy I remember seeing when I went to buy FAKE UGGS , at the store he worked at, was damn good looking.

After all the fighting and all the pain and tears and shouting at each other, we separated, only to get back together about a month later and then to get married 3 years later….and yes the tears, shouting and pain still has occurred!

As much as he drives me crazy and as much as the amount of pain I have felt through the years is immense, because of his drinking, I am still with him and know I do love him. Last week I did tell him that I wasn’t in love with him anymore…he has changed over the years and even though he isn’t the man that I fell in love with, all those years ago, I know I do love him now still and I cannot really picture a future in my life without him in it.

I mean a few posts ago, I did call myself a ‘Fish Lady’ because I don’t see myself every falling in love again.

I know pain sucks and a broken heart can really hurt and that feeling of confusion and being lost sucks…but I guess it takes all of that to know what you had and make you want to work on fixing things so it can all shine again.

I mean my marriage isn’t perfect but we are working on it.

His mother is coming down to us, to sort out his ID issues, he is seeking help for his addiction, I am being more vocal about what I want and how I feel. It has taken knowing and feeling and living what we don’t want to make us work for what we do want.

It sucks that it takes negative actions to know what you really have. BUT I guess going through the bad is worth it when you reach the other side and get to experience the good.