Thursday 3/31/22

1:00pm I’m not having a a very good day. Aids didn’t come to put me to bed until after midnight. She was walking down the hall and saw me sitting in my wheelchair. She was very apologetic saying that things were so hectic she forgot. I said it was ok I got involved in a book and forgot about the time. This is the aid who takes good care of me. I always get along with her. Anyways I told her she can do no wrong in my eyes.

She got me to bed but I was up a good bit of the night. They came to get me up at six. I said I wanted to vsleep in. I stayed in bed until well after breakfast. I had a good meal: sweet roll eggs with cheese and hot cereal. I had a glass of oj and a glass of chocolate milk. I didn’t have any coffee.

After breakfast they used the hoyer to get me out of bed. I was  still sleepy and very tired. I slept most of the morning in my wheelchair I did manage to get a hold of Chocolatechip. She went to the First CHristian Church Somebody named Sara. TThe church was distributing  cleaning supplies and household items. She and and Sara are going to the Methodist Church this Sunday. She also said that Sara will take herto see me once the COVID ban is lifted..

I said I had a diahrrea incident after breakfast. I was trying to get help but nobody came. Well somebody did come and told me it won’t be until after lunch. I said it is the same old story. I’m so sick of this shit and have about had it. I do not understand why I have to wait for hours to get changed . I said this place sucks at times. I was tired and very upset.

I also told her about something I heard last night from my caregiver. My caregiver said that some of the people who gave me a hard time got fired. I had mixed feelings about this I said. On the one hand those people need to be in a different line of work. Chocolatechip said the same thing. They should not have given me such a hard time because that’s something I have no control over.Ye I don’t believe in wishing evil on anyone and I especially don’t like to see anyone lose their job.

Then Chocolatechip told me about Wayne. She ran into him in the lobby. She said he is going to sue George for evicting him. So he finally got evicted I said. Chocolatechip said his apartment must of been really bad for eviction. I can’t say I’m sorry to see him go I said. Chocolatechip said Wayne wants to get right with Jesus but is afraid it’s never too late.i said it is never too late for that.

We ended our conversation when lunch came. I had one of my favorites: beef lasagna, tossed salad and a roll.Coffee was barely warm but I drank it anyways. Also had pears for desert Lunch got me going and I feel a lot better.

2:30pm . Been thinking about that one asshole Wayne. I wish I was back at OT to see it happen. I should not feel this war. I should not feel this way about anyone. !But Wayne has been a source of pain and trouble ever since he moved into OT. But, as far as I know now, he will soon be gone. I take great satisfaction in knowing that. May God forgive me because I cannot forgive Wayne.

I am in pretty good spirits . Combination of a good lunch and news about Wayne put me in a great mood. I know I should not feel like that but I just can’t help myself. That SOB was a source of a lot of pain and emotional abuse over the years. Anyways he will soon be gone. My only regreat is that I’m not there to see him go.

6:46pm I talked a lot with Chocolatechip on the phone and on chat. We talked about various topics. She talked about one of my old caregivers, Bonnie. She was highly unethical while working for me. Anyways Bonnie dor sent come to OT anymore.  She also mentioned that her cargo er talks with this new lady Sarah. The caregiver wondered why Chocolatechip needs help because her place is always spotless. This was a bit unethical because the caregivers are not supposed to talk about their clients business.

I talked about Wayne. I said it is his own fault he got evicted. Chocolatechip said he might end up homeless. I hope he doesn’t but I didn’t say anything about that. Chocolatechip said his place must of been very bad She said people complained about his place smelling. I said you must be a teal screw up to be evicted from OT. Then I said I was in pretty bad shape myself and could no longer keep up with my apt. George would probably have evicted me if I had still been living there.

We cut our conversation short because dinner tray came. I had an Italian sub, coleslaw, potatoe soup and cookies for desert. For drinks I had two cups of hot coffee and a glass of fruit punch. Dinner was good and I ate it all.

I did a lot of reading in my book The Fox and the Lion by James Macgregor Burns. I read two chapters last night. I read about Roosevelt’s time as governor of New York and the election of 1932 when he first became President. These chapters were very interesting. Heck. the whole book is interesting. I hope to read two more chapters tonight.

Well tomorrow is payday. I will be getting my SS check of $850. I will use that to to make a credit card payment. The problem is I won’t be able to use the card until Monday. Payment has to be processed first. Then they will put a ten day hold on my cards. I will have to go through the monthly hassle of getting that straightened out. I can’t do that until Monday.

I was also looking at books. I’ve got fourteen books lined up so far. These books will cost $188 something. I think I will buy one audiobook on the Vietnam War. This one is Vietnam:A History by Stanley Karnow. I read this book a long time ago. It gives a definitive account of the Vietnamese people struggle against French  o! colonialism a. It will be worth listening to again even if the price is over $30. I can’t wait to buy more books!

Once again here is a list of books I want to buy in April:

Max Hastings

• Inferno: The World at War 1939-1946.                                          $11.99
• The Secret War: Spies. Ciphers ,Guerrillas.                                $13.99
• Overlord:D Day and Battle for Normandy                                  $14.99

Max Boot.    The Corrosion of Conservatism.                                        $13.48

George C Herring g.  LBJ and Vietnam: A Different Kind of War.     $13.49

Stanley Karnow.      Vietnam : A History.                                                 $30.49

Jeffrey Rosen

• Lois D Brandies.                                                                                   $18.49
• Conversations with R BG.                                                                   $11.99
• William Howard Taft.                                                                         $11.99
• The Unwanted Gaze                                                                            $13.99

Theodore H White

• The Making of the President1960.                                                    $8.99
• The Making of the President  1964.                                                   $11.99
• The Making of the President 1968.                                                    $11.98
• The Making of the President.  1972.                                                   $13.99

Total money spent on books.                                                                     $188.85.

8:18pm . I got to thinking about tomorrow and got anxious, very anxious. I got to thinking about all these books I want to read. I got to thinking about the monthly hassle with Capitol One. I guess I am having racing thoughts about a lot of different things. I’m pretty wound up right now. I feel like I want to jump up from my wheelchair and run a marathon.

They must of put something in my coffee at dinner. I was feeling mellow before dinner. After I ate I started thinking, no obsessing , about tomorrow. One thing left to another and now I feel I’m on the verge of a panic attack. One thing I keep thinking about is something will go wrong. I am worried about paying my rent and credit card bill. I’m convinced that something will screw up these transactions. I always manage to get it straightened out but I think there is always a first time.

I always got anxious about the first of the month. This was when I left my comfort zone to take care of business. I had to walk to the bank, get my check then take the bus to Wal Mart for grocery shopping. I had a hell of a time in Wal Mart because I hated being around all those people. At times anxiety went through the roof. It got sp bad thar I had to have a case manager from Healthways accompany me. Nothing ever really bad happened on these outings but I always thought the worse would happen. This is a classic example of the glass half empty thinking.

Nothing bad will happen tomorrow.vi will pay my credit card bill. I will get that business with the credit card for straight. I will be ok. Everything will be ok. Eventually this will sink in and I will calm myself down. Tomorrow will be a good day!

10:03pm I calmed down somewhat. I’m ready for bed. I’ve been in the wheelchair fourteen or fifteen hours I’m getting a bit leepy now. I haven’t read today. I spent too much time on OD. I got involved in reading entries. Some of them were very interesting. I also wrote a very long entry of my own. For some reason I started writing this afternoon and could not stop. Oh well, unfortunately I’m not in West Lib. I can always pick it up tomorrow.

Morning wasn’t so great because I was very tired. But my day got better as it went along. I had a good lunch and that cheered me up. Aids who took care of me were nice. I had a good supper and the coffee was hot. This turned out to be a good fay I’m ready for bed and I hope they put me to bed soon. Good night