Daily whining entry #1

As some of you know I took a very bad tumble a few days ago. What’s really is bothering me is no one around me has even made an effort to check in with me about it. The boys get a pass, I don’t expect them to, but others, that really hurts. Par for course I guess.

Once again I am stressing about the ex. I know, it’s like asking the sun to rise at night. I have never been one who can stomach being hated. I have never gone out of my way to even be put into the situation. As I said in another entry that I would like to beat her new husband to death with his own arm, however anytime our paths have crossed I just said nothing. I have never stood up for myself all these years. I guess that I have only myself to blame.

I’m at a loss trying to get out of debt. The thing is, just $1000 would get me on top of things but it’s not meant to be. I was screwed out of my tax refunds from the Feds and New York. My credit is ok, but all I hear is this or that about payment history, which since I inherited all the bills from the marriage I’m stuck while she got a totally clean slate.

I get so lonely I go to dating sites and they just make things worse. Besides the waste of money, I get emotionally pulled into thinking someone could be interested only to once again be made to feel worthless.

It’s warmer and sunny today in Western New York and I should really enjoy it. The sound of the spring birds returning and the clean smell of the air are all lost to me because of the pain I hold onto because I can’t let it go.