Nice Monday…
Went back to work today after having two days off. Sigh lol
I had a little breakdown on Friday and I just burst into tears I yelled that I hate it here. HATE. I hate this state, I hate the bugs, I hate my job, I hate that I had to quit school and that I’m so far from home and my routine that I loved and that I used up my entire savings to move to this miserable state. After my little outburst of just feeling completely spent I took a deep breath and I just have to keep trying to gather myself and try to enjoy my time here. I’m trying. I really am, I want nothing more than to be happy because faking it till I make it isn’t working. Finding pockets of peace throughout my day is the only way for now. My husband listened to me with empathy and loving eyes. I told my husband that a whole day of beauty here seems impossible right now so I have been finding my “pockets of peace” as I like to call it. The next day he made my favorite coffee and we hung out then he said you know what you haven’t done in a long time that you use to do everyday…yoga…so he looked up a nice yoga video for us to follow along with. I didn’t care to do the yoga because that is my new personality here apparently. I’m very blah about everything but I joined in after watching him for a couple seconds because I really do love yoga and so we did yoga together for a whole workout. That made me happy. I do love yoga and he knows me so well, he knew I’d join in. 😌 Today I woke up and did more yoga and it was nice. Tomorrow I will again and I will add some barre into it. I found a plus to this awful humidity…back home I paid to take hot yoga classes but here it’s “hot yoga” all day every day. 🙃
So, we are visiting home this weekend and I am excited about this, my heart needs this. I get to see my mom, brother, in-laws and friends! 👏🏼
I started watching the new Dexter series and I’m hooked! I want to know what happens next!
Well good night, I’m getting sleepy finally and I don’t want to fight it.
Have you ever seen Lucifer? By God it is good!
Warning Comment
One thing that helps my mental health is working out first thing after I wake up. If I think about it too much, I don’t do it, but I’ve built this habit of doing it before I’m even fully awake. It helps the entire day go smoother, and the days I don’t start out like that are definitely different. I love yoga and ballet, I used to do ballet as a teen, and I used to do crazy martial arts that had me in this unrealistic body at age 16, so I struggle with serious body image issues. But yoga definitely helps with that too.
I also have an extremely patient and sweet husband, so I relate to a lot of stuff I read from you. Seems I’m hard on myself like you are about my moods. Work can be so draining too, so I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
I think anywhere can become home after a while (this happened to me here, after I had planned on moving back east and now I don’t really want to), but my husband and I have an agreement that if one of us is not happy somewhere, we won’t live there. We don’t know if we will eventually move east to be closer to the family, we go back and forth on it, but letting go of California would be hard for both of us.
Hoping you feel better soon. Glad you’re both gonna get to visit home. 🙂
@free_spirit_gal I love how patient my husband is with me because I can be a handful. We have the same little pact but neither of us wants to stay here. Some of our best friends live in NV and we are trying to get to Carson City next from here. House prices are much to high for us in CA but at least Nevada is a much much easier flight.
@colorfulheart That’s true, plus, you can drive if you want to, and it doesn’t take days. That’ll be exciting for you guys. 🙂 I also feel like I can be a lot for my husband, but he’ll never say it haha.
Warning Comment