as you like it

Is it okay to be content with being unsatisfied?

Satisfied being unsatisfied?

It’s the end of the road and I don’t know which way to turn.  I know either way will stir frowns of one or the other of those I hate to see unhappy.  Maybe even tears.  Maybe even hatred.  This heart is a self inflicted wound, I wouldn’t dare blame anyone else.  ((At least not out loud.)) They all say they want what’s best for me. ((That’s what they say out loud.))  I’m guilty for what I feel and angry for what they  say they do, when i know it’s not what they tell themselves when no one else is around. 

It’s times like these when I just turn off my head lights, turn the key half way (so I can still hear the music) and just rest my cheek on the steering wheel.  Gazing frustratedly at the images dancing past the insides of my closed eyelids, I let out a sigh, I let out a tear, and I laugh in ironic amusement because I was stronger at age 12. My vision gets worse as I get older yet I get less and less blind, and more and more confused. Sometimes I think I’d be better off blindfolded, spun, and made to walk a straight line. I turn around and go home. I tell myself I just need to think about it more.

This heart of mine
it means well.
It is a masterpiece,
however broken or unfinished
it may seem.

I just want to make everyone happy.  Because I will never be content until I do, or try my hardest. Don’t scrunch you’re forehead, I’m serious.  Don’t roll your eyes, I’m hurting.

This is now so much bigger than me, and I can’t even rest when I’m sleeping.

I can’t even rest when I’m sleeping.

(But
don’t.
you.
wake.
me.)