Sunday 2/27/22

7:40am I started to read chapter four in Crosswinds of Freedom by James MacGregor Burns last night. Here, the author writes about the European situation in 1939. By April of that year Franco had taken over Spain with the help of Hitler and Mussolini. Germany had occupied all of Czechoslovakia, Italy had invaded Albania. Hitler’s next move was Poland. Europe would soon be involved in World War II.

I didn’t get very far in this chapter. I got kind of tired and sleepy. Aids came in around ten and put me to bed. I was in bed by 10:30 after being in my wheelchair for over 17 hrs. I tried to read in bed but was too tired. I soon fell asleep. I expected some arthritis pain and had some weird dreams that I don’t remember but I had a good night.

Aids got me out of bed by five. As usual I slept in my wheelchair until breakfast. For breakfast I had pancakes and a slice of ham plus hot cereal. I had a hot cup of coffee and a glass of oj. I enjoyed breakfast and ate everything it all. Now I’m awake, above the dirt and blessed with another day.

I called Chocolatechip after breakfast but no answer. I hope she is ok. I left a message . She is probably taking a bath or shower. I can’t he!p myself but I worry about her living in that crazy high rise. I start to think something bad has happened to her.  But my fears are unfounded and she is usually ok.

This is the 27th. I will be getting my SS check in tfour days. I started obsessing over all the books I want to buy. I went over my finances for the month. I decided to cut back on a couple of books. I also started to think about the hassle I will have  with the credit card. I knew I was obsessing a little bit.over finances and Chocolatechip. I said to myself Stop it! Surpriselingy, these thoughts went away.

I’m having a good morning . I slept fairly well. I’m without pain. I had my meds and had  good breakfast  I did finally talked with Chocolatechip I can’t ask for more. Life is good.

1:32pm I didn’t have so great a morning after all. I deficated myselif after breakfast. I felt so humiliated especially when I ha the Mean Bitch change me. She put a very bad taste in my mouth that made me depressed all morning. It is bad enough I cannot control over bm then I get a mean aid who gives me a hard time. I felt very bad about myself just wanted to lie down and never get back up

I was also very sleepy and tired. I couldn’t read because I was so tired. I slept in my wheelchair for a long time. Again I wished I would never wake up. In my waking hours I kept thinking about Mean Bitch. I also kept thinking about pooping myself. Oh well I thought. You come into life in diapers and you go out in them this thought was depressing and funny at the same time.

Lunch helped cheer me up a bit. I had chicken, cornbread dressing, mixed veggies, and a dinner roll. For desert I had peach streusel pie. I had two cups off coffee and a glass of fruit punch. Lunch was delicious and I ate it all.But it is giving me the runs.

I dare not ring the call light. I don’t want to get chewed out by the  Mean Bitch. I think I would rather sit in my own manure than face her again. Having her change me in the morning ruined it for me. I know I’m a pathetic little wimp who needs to grow a pair. But she is so nasty towards me I cannot bare to face her.

Also, my phone is not working right. I can call out but can’t get any incoming calls. The phone does not ring. Chocolatechip said she called me a few times. I said I didn’t hear it ring. I left her a few messages and I never heard from her. Once again I’m starting to worry.

One good thing is I just got changed I had a male aid. But I still have a touch of diahreà. I feel I could go anytime. This is not a good feeling. In short emotionally and physically I feel like hell.

6:29pm I felt sick with diahreà all afternoon. I was also so sore and tired. I tried to sleep in my wheelchair. Sometimes I dozed off but I was awake most of the time. I didn’t read because I was too sick.

I was one miserable old fart today. Supper cheered me up somewhat. I had a hot roast beef sandwich, mashed potatoes with gravy and a green beans. I hope I can tolerate the gravy tonight.

I finally got a hold of Chocolatechip after supper. She has a pretty good idea who had been knocking on her door at night. It has been Keith and Carol. They have been on a road trip to Columbus, Oh. They have been gone for the last four days. Nobody had bothered her during that time. I said they will not last too long. They will either be evicted or move. Chocolatechip said they are very dirty and   all kinds of bugs. They were supposed to have caused problems and have been evicted from other places.

I talked to her about Mean Bitch. I was telling her about how she changed me in the morning. Chocolatechip said Mean Bitch has the problem. We both learned through therapy that you can’t control other people’s behavior. But you can control how your reactions. I said I do my best to ignore her but today left a very bad taste in my mouth. It is bad enough I have no control over bodily functions. It makes it worse when the people who give you a hard time are the ones who the ones who are supposed to help.

I’ve been in this chair since five. That is 14 hrs and thirty minutes. I would like to go to bed now. This has been a shitty day and I’d like it to end. I have a feeling they will keep me up late just to prolong the agony. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.