proceed with caution

I wrote an entry yesterday and it didn’t save. this is not really important but I am trying to kill some space here diary and I dont appreciate your accusational tone.

today I hung out with "new people". Usually I am quite weary of  "new people" because they are, like, new. and usually those new and not already in my small yet elitist group of friends and lovers are pretty fucking lame.

these people were not lame. I wouldnt say lame. they were however vegan. it seems there is such this booming culture of hipster vegans all believing in the organic food movement and "moral issues" regarding animal rights. I’m not necessarily down with it but I try and be receptive and respectful

After class I chatted with this boy for a few moments making small talk and talking shit as we always do and he invited me to his house to meet his roommates and maybe go eat. so I accepted.

this boys house is possibly one of the most disgusting dwelling I’ve ever been in. Outside a broken down van protects a yard with a million bikes and mopeds and a firepit. on the inside there is trash and garbage reaching form one end of the walls to the other, nothing but guitars and amps and keyboards and lap tops and a big ass piano. a mattress in the kitchen. soy ice cream and jack daniels all of the fucking place.  lines of dishes, plates, empty bottles of liquor, lots of paper and mail and no trash can in site. his room was cleaner though, tiny and well kept.

his roommate mike had on an orange knitted hat and a misfits tshirt. he walked a bit hunched over and asked me how I felt about "binge drinking". I said I was good at it.

at the coffee shop I met his other friend michelle. a vegan bisexual with a shaved head. she was pretty and smart and made heroin jokes. she said she shaved her head cause she thought it would be "funny". him and his friends seem to do a lot of things "cause it’s funny". so… what made you decide to grow your beard? facial hair is just funny. so… you guys kiss and grab each other’s asses to piss straight guys off? no, it’s cause we think it’s funny. so… you drive a ford taurus? yeah, it’s funny.

which, I mean, it is I guess.

the coffee shop is off mill and one I hadn’t been to before. he knows nearly everyone there and greets them with a hug and introduces me and I feel awkward. inside we sit down and it’s dim. he pulls out a joint roller and I think he’s going to roll a joint but instead drops in a filter and some tabacco and rolls a cigarette. he does this several times throughout the morning. it’s not because it’s funny though, it’s because "it’s cheaper". we have a long debate about what being  "hipster" means because he’s horribly offended that I tell him that him and his friend’s do, in fact, fall under that catergory. I feel like I am the hipster while sitting in the artsy coffee shop talking about being a hipster. irony ensues.

later we meet his roommate at a vegan restaurant in tempe. an all vegan menu. depsite my reservations the food is really fucking good. the atmosphere is laid back and "mike"  works there as well as eats there. indie rock chicks sit in the corner and talk about that band last night. a few athletes are near the entrance, eating in silence, fueling their bodies or whatever. cheap art on the walls, food served in plastic baskets. I talk to them about music and they’re a lot more old school than I. I don’t know a lot of what they listen to and vice versa. we all agree portishead is sex music.

I dig the people I met. they’re interesting and have good senses of humor. senses of style. sense of themselves. they’re friendly and welcoming and they don’t look at me like I’m so fucking outside but rather they "like my shirt". The boy is nice and listens and asks questions and is horribly open minded about his sexuality which I think is really fucking cool for a guy to be. he invites me to go out with him and his friends tonight and I sort of decline.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to be their friend. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised they’re so open about being mine. but I fear it may create conflict in my relationship. especially since when I arrived home after this outting the girlfriend was distant, cold, asked me for the money I owed her, took the keys and left. did not say where she was going because apparently "it doesn’t matter".

having friends that aren’t mutual can really fuck shit up. says jane.

I feel like this might be a ride I’m ready for. shift my complacency a bit. fuck shit up, if you will. but not in a bad way.