optimist drowns in half full tub

oye in there my friend my friend, lets make some words

sorry for leave of absence. I was, as you might of suspected, working hard on my application for the peace corp, trying desperately to save the environment, like always, and planning for a future full of republican conventions and finger foods made by famous chefs who sell out but are talented nonetheless.

Last Saturday I worked the first of my last two days at the good ol’ Desert Botanical Garden. I got there at nine, sold worthless merchandise until one, came home, quickly ate, and was off to job #2 at Petco by two. I learned how to squeeze a dog’s anal gland and have gross, smelly, yellowish goo squirt out all of your hand. good times, good times. The oily haired chick shared information of her urinary track infection and how she always takes a bath after sex to avoid them. I was like, “wow your hair is oily”.

My shift at Petco ended at 9 and so I drove home on the I17 passed lights and trucks and winds and lines and I kept thinking, “man that chicks hair is oily.”

At home, I tore off my break away pants, seriously they’re break away (after visiting big 5, target, and kmart I was unable to find nylon pants in my size. at walmart I settled on a pair of break away nylon warm ups designed for little boys), and readied myself for a shower that would wipe away the dog slobber and sweat.

The girlfriend arrived with B&J and instructed me to change into party clothes for a party. so I did. in a record ten minutes. or less. and we left to a party filled with ethnics and a backyard DJ that wouldn’t play le tigre even though he had it.

I drank without having eaten and watched Breezy dance to the Napolean Dynamite song while everyone gathered round. Breezy is cool because out of nowhere she will be like, “soo.. have you ever befriended a midget?”

We went into this huge ass kitchen and did shots of parrot bay even though I hate parrot bay. we met cool people there and I talked to one guy with a black punisher sweater on about kathleen hannah for a long time. A chick named Shelby or Chelsea or something introduced herself to me and she had long black hair and green eyes and converse and I think she was being smiley with me and someone said, “she’s here with her girlfriend” and as I walked out of the kitchen with this long black haired shelby or chelsea she said something along the lines of “so, are you HAPPY to be here with your girlfriend?” and I didn’t say anything and then walked away to find the girlfriend and it’s all kind of a blur cause of those shots of parrot bay that I took even though I hate parrot bay and really I think that chick sorta hit on me. good times, good times

after party we went to some club that’s 18 and over after 2 a.m. It was there that I danced and I danced for one reason and one reason only,

I was really drunk.

Never again will that happen unless of course

I’m really drunk.

After lots of dancing and groping and people’s fucking gross ass sweat and body heat covering my already filth ridden body we came home. It was after 4 a.m. and I was due for my last day at the Botanical Garden at 9:30 a.m. I awoke a little before 10 to the phone ringing. It was my boss. I called right back and dressed myself in 35 seconds, was at the garden in maybe 5 minutes flat.

and I worked. At one when my shift ended the girlfriend, the roommate and the girls met me for a tour of the garden. and so I walked around. hung over in the fucking heat still covered in dog slobber.

after which we had planned a barbeque, the girlfriend had gone all out with the food. so I finally came home. and that was when, thank fucking god,

I got to take a shower.