you cant spell manslaughter without laughter

Alright I am a dick cause I havent written but you’re a dick to for not reading this when you could have been.

seeeee, goes both ways.

actually I have not been writing because I have been addicted to this song called ‘drugs’ by this band Giant Drag. It’s relatable especially lately cause I am like fuuuuck stop! stop! stop! I just want to relaaaaax sober. You should download it and then you wont write for daaaaaays, seriously.

I am going to recap events for my own peice of mind as well these are reasons for not writing though I dont expect you to read all of this cause if I were you I wouldnt. there is that.

The girlfriends mom and her mom’s boyfriend, John, came down again for the Cake concert that we couldn’t attend due to not being twenty one. fucking bullshit. sooo instead we spent st. patricks day drinking guiness and killians and jameson whiskey and eating corn beef. it was all very festive.

On St. Patrick’s Day, one of those holidays where I don’t know nor do I care why it exists, I got drunk for real and don’t remember the latter half of the evening but apparently I wasn’t too stable on my feet. goooood tiiiiiiiiiimes.

The following evening I escorted the girlfriend’s mother and john to the restaurant where we were seated at the wine bar ’cause our table wasnt ready. french black guy who came over to our house once and it was awkward brought over our bottle of wine and asked “who is hosting?” the gf’s mother and john did not know what this meant so I said “I am.” and he allowed me to taste the wine and approve it. though instead of approving I was like “blast! what is this! get this away from me and bring me my pomeranian! and you! youre fired!”

at dinner we drank three bottles of wine and enjoyed food brought out and specially made by the girlfriend. at the end of the evening radimes, the sous chef, and the girlfriend joined us and we laughed and drank and ate and it was an okay time. after returning home I continued drinking wine and later passed out on the table.

it was the next morning that it hit me, pounding and painful just like my head.

I fucking drink entirely too much.

but then I thought, heeeey it’s spring break!! wooo! show me your tits! and that was the beginning and end of self revelation.

Saturday soon after inlaws left friends from out of town would be arriving for a one night stay on their way back to u of a. these are high school friends, the male was my friend in school, a well spoken physics major who, if he had a diary, it would probably be like daves. and all the while entertaining and hanging out with this old friend was reminded of curious dave and his diary because, and I didnt realize this until later, this old friend of mine reminds me of dave, even though I don’t in actuality know him. his girlfriend was the girlfriends good friend in high school, she is a cynical and driven writer double majoring in journalism and american history. I like them way better apart from each other cause together its kinda weird. this is not important.

Sunday was the west of western culinary festival. the girlfriend’s restaurant would have a booth and an appetizer along side such valley restaurants as Mary Elaines, See Saw, Zinc Bistro, Pizzaria Biancos, Tammy Coe, Grimaldies and other high end restaurants whose names you’re not familure with cause you don’t live here. It was at the arizona center and you pay like forty bucks to get in but I didnt pay cause I am a fucking chef’s girlfriend yeeeeeeeeah bitches!

I walked around with B and friendsfromoutoftown and we tried lots of apps and tasted some wine and it was big industry event and all the industry people were schmoozing with other industry people and the girlfriend nearly had heart failure when she was introduced to Deborah Knight and later she came back over to the booth and inquired about the girlfriend’s app and the restaurant. You know. Deborah Knight.

Later B and I split from friendsfromoutoftown and walked to the tammy coe chicks who are all fucking hot and bad ass chefs. we walked up to them, planning on saying something witty and insightful and making them want to hang out with us but instead we just stood there. then grabbed our chocolate circle and walked off with our heads down.

rest of evening was spent with B and outoftownfriends as we sat around table and smoked pot and later went to the chiba hut for sandwiches and then they left and then I killed you. outoftownfriends were kind of lame and changed.

The L Word party happened later and omg alice and dana finally slept together!!

yesterday brought work and such and we made setinstone plans to not do anything but be together without company and lay on the couch and watch american idol and maybe a movie and then retire early for sex and sleep. we ate chicken tacos for dinner and later sous chef radimes and his wife invited us over for drinks and we went cause fucking I dont know why I didnt want to. they live in our complex so its hard to make excuses.

their apartment is hipster and I hate that shit. we drank vodkatinis and played drinking Uno and they talked about food and I cant talk to his wife cause she doesnt really speak english. after leaving there past midnight walked to B&J’s cause we promised them a visit to try a keish. we smoked more pot and played xbox then left stoned and tired.

after exiting their apartment I went on a tangent about how fucking hard it is to have things to do and why does this happen and if the girlfriend wasnt so fucking cool no one would want to hang out with us and I want alone time and this is bullshit.

but the girlfriend just laughed and said I sounded like woody allen.

today brings work which has sucked lately and school before and after work. once I watched a movie called before and after with my dad and it had the kid from terminator in it.

side note: I discovered I like grahm crackers. a lot.