אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 14
Last night I went to Shul. I can’t remember when last I was actually in a Shul for a service, but I cannot say how wonderful it felt being around people, and being in Hashem’s house and feeling his presence….I know it may weird to hear that…but every now and then I feel the warmth and spirit in my heart of my mother and of Hashem, especially when I am dedicating time to them.
Last night was the beginning of the graduation of the “Jews By Choice’ class; of last year. It was the start of such a momentous time, so you would think they would all be dressed smarter and dressed in a more formal manner, but many of them weren’t.
Talking about dressing formally for Shul, reminds be of the people I saw earlier this afternoon. While waiting for my girlfriends to meet me for lunch at restaurant, which happened to be very close to a Shul and a very Jewish residential area, I saw many men walking back from their shuls all dressed in formal pants and white shirts. Besides them carrying their Tallit Bags, I could immediately tell they were Jewish jus by how they were dressed, I mean it was so hot today that no one in their right mind would be dressed in full formal attire unless they had to.
Anyway last night in Shul the Rabbi spoke about how Rabbis are teachers and it is their duty to pass on their knowledge and teachings of the Torah to others and for others to continue what they have learnt. Made me think about how when I have completed by Course and can say I am a Jew and when I walk the path of a Jew, who will I get to pass on my knowledge to. When I have kid one day, will my husband; who is Christian, let me pass on my Jewish knowledge of Hashem to them, or will he insist on them being taught about Jesus and the writings of the New Testament.
I know I have said many times how I am open to my children deciding for themselves what they want to believe in and under what Testament they want to live their lives by, but if I am being honest I would prefer them to decide to be Jewish and I know that for the first few years of their life they will be living in my home, which I hope will be more of a Jewish home. I did grow up with two religions and as much as I am grateful to being allowed to choose my true identity and my true beliefs then and now, I feel as if I have wasted so much time being unsure and following in something that I could never fully give myself to.
When I look back on my life, I remember that my happiest times were when I was surrounded by the Jewish Community, when I was in a Shul and when I was learning and practicing the Jewish religion.
Every time I am in Shul for a Shabbat or Festival Service a moment of time is dedicated to pray for the country that we live in, the sick and those who have passed, the country we all look to as the home for all Jews; Israel, and we pray for everyone that walks on this earth; regardless of their identity, religion, race or sex. Every time we are reading, singing and saying these prayers, I wonder what other religion has similar prayers. What other religion recognizes everyone else, even if they are not like them and may not believe in what they do? It is an honor, for me, to be part of a community that recognizes everyone and does no condemn anyone that differs in any way.
During The Shabbat Morning service the graduates got to each either read a portion from the Torah or Mishkan T’filah. While many of them read their pars sin Hebrew, I got very nervous. I started thinking about how when I graduate, I too may be given the opportunity to read in Shul, and will have to read a prayer in Hebrew. Figured I should really start working on my Hebrew; speaking and reading, and should maybe call on my father to train me, so I am fully prepared to stand up in front of family, friends and fellow members of the Temple of Israel, and in front of them recite a passage without stuttering or swallowing any words, and of course not misreading something. But hey, who knows maybe in a year’s time I will know those prayers off by heart, I mean I did grow up listening to those exact prayers, pretty much my whole life. There are times when we are singing a song, and even though it may be in a different tune, I know the words already. I mean every Shabbat when I light the candles I know the full prayer already, and when I say the Hamotzi I pretty much know that too, as my father used to sing that to us most Shabbats. Whenever we went to another family for Shabbat Dinner and the Man of The House would say the Kiddush and Hamotzi, I often thought it was a different prayer, but it was actually the exact same one, just in a different tune.
When I told my father and sister, last year, that I was going to be converting this year, my father did hint that he didn’t see my surviving this whole course and following through with it to the end. I mean I do understand that view, it is rather hard and I have failed to completely many things that I have started with, but I know that this is something that I really want and I intend to see it through to the end.