אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl Pg 9

On the 19th of March 2005…I was in a very bad car accident. Before the car was hit…

… … in it sat 3 young girls…but afterwards only 2 living girls were extracted from the crashed vehicle.

I remember how often after waking up from my coma I thought about why I survived and didn’t die…why was my life spared and the girl who was taken…the girl…who from the limited knowledge….dedicated her life to be better and do better…to help others and to learn…was taken…the world needs more people like her.

So I tried to dedicate as much time as I could to the Jewish Youth Movement I belonged to. But of course the meds I was on made me feel drowsy and made me question so many things. I always felt behind my friends and everyone around me…I felt like burden to everyone and as if I was holding thembehind…so I shut myself out and sank into a depression

My mother always said that you die when G-d felt that you had reached your goal and done all that he created you to do. There was a time when I believed that and so…I pushed myself…I worked hard to prove to everyone that I was ready to go back to studying…I would be what I set out to be…but clearly that hasn’t really worked out and I have yet to actually get a degree or diploma.

I wasn’t born Jewish and even though I didn’t know what I really was, I figured that when I found my final partner I would just be what he was.

So I tried Christianity. I bought a Bible. I went to Church. I wore a Cross. I tried to attend community groups… I would only go to the Synagogue when I was required to…Weddings…Bnei Mitzvahs…

For so many years I was trying to find my place. Last year…during all the chaos going on around me and in the World, I made the decision to convert. I was done living for everyone else and what everyone thought. I was doing this for me and because it felt right.

Now it is still early days but this feels right! I know that there will be many crossroads and times when I question if converting is the right thing for any future family I may have…but right now, for me I feel good. I know this is right.

After so much going wrong in my life I am so glad that something is feeling good and right.

The one thing that is going right in my life is G-d!