Wednesday 2/16/22

5:53 am I had the worse night of my life. I was up all night lying in urine because I was constantly peeing. I ran the call light several times but nobody came. I was in a very awesome and uncomfortable position. I raised  y bed too high and then dropped the bed control. Consequently  my neck and shoulders hurt like hell. Also, I was worried sick about my girlfriend. I couldn’t get her off my mind

But I survived the night.. I am above the dirt sitting in my wheelchair. I might not be kicking but I’m alive. For once I’m glad the aid came to get me out of bed even though t feel like shit. At least I’m alive and breathing. I am out of Overbrook Towers and living in a safe place. I have a wonderful girlfriend. I am truly blessed.

But I’m so tired of this incontinence problem I hate it I know it is not my fault but it is still humiliating. I feel so ashamed of myself especially when the aids give me a hard time about using the urinal. Last night was the worse it has been in a while and that contributed to my depressed state. I honestly do not know how much more of this I can take.

At least I wasn’t in pain. Pain level was down to a two. Dealing with peeing all the time is bad enough. It would really have been hell if I had arthritis pain. Thank God for small favors.

I tried to look up James MacGregor Burn again on Wikipedia. He wrote over twenty books on subjects such as government, presidents and leadership. Burns won a Pulitzer in 1971. I think it said he lived from1918-2014. Burns was ninety five when he died.  The article had a lot of information but I wasn’t feeling well enough to concentrate. I will have to read it again.

I can’t wait until I get my coffee. Fortunately, they will be serving breakfast in about a half hour. At least I will not have that long to wait. I am very hungry and will eat whatever they serve. I don’t care what they serve so long as I have coffee

1:28pm I had my morning coffee with breakfast. I had two cups of hot coffee.it didn’t wake me up. I struggled to stay awake all morning. I talked z lot with Chocolatechip. She talked with her nurse practitioner. There were not any changes in meds. Rachel said her problems stem from too much negativity. We both agree that this was not much of a help

Chocolatechip and I love poetry. She writes poetry. Her poems are pretty good. She shared some of her work with me over the phone plus other writers. I loved it. I think our moods improved, at least mine did. She does seem to be better today. Poetry has a positive effect on both of us. Maybe I felt better because I noticed a big improvement in her mood.

I do feel better.i had a good lunch with two cups of coffee and a glass of fruit punch. I called Chocolatechip after I ate. She is doing 100%  better, back to her old self. She said her worker came today and did a lot of housework. She also had a good lunch from Meals on Wheels. She did say that she has a lot of appointments scheduled for March. She felt a bit overwhelmed. I said you can get through it. You are one tough cookie.

I tried to read this morning but just could not get into my book. I felt too depressed and couldn’t concentrate. I just sat in my wheelchair vegetating and trying to stay awake. I probably dozed off and on a few times.  It was sort of like a time out for my brain. I call it defusing. Perhaps I needed this time out after the lousy night. In any case I feel better. Life is good.

This is the 16th. I tried was looking at books to buy next month. I’m not going overboard. So far I want to buy three books by Paul Johnson. These will cost only $36 something. I really don’t need the books. I like this author  He wrote History of Christianity which is on my list of books to read.im definitely buying that one. But I have books coming out of my butt. Do I really need another?  It is impossible to have too many books.

 

3:00pm I’ve been looking at books again and these titles seem interesting:

• Creators: From Chaucer and Durea to Picasso and Disney.                   $11.99
• Heroes: From Alexander the Great to Churchill and de Gaulle            $13.49
• Intellectuals: From Marx and Tolstoy to Sarte and Chomsky               $ 10.99
• A History of Christianity.                                                                              $ 16.99

The total for these books is $53.46.

I also had thirty minutes of physical therapy.  We went through the usual drill. I didn’t do very well today. I only walked thirty feet down the hall. Then we went to the gym to do leg exercises.  I was glad to get that  over with. .She came late today but promised to get me earlier tomorrow

I talked with Chocolatechip after I got back. She was baking cookies.  She loves to bake and this is a good sign she is on the mend

7:08pm I had  good supper. They served chick fried steak. potato wedges and brussel sprouts. I had a cup of fruit for desert then two glasses of fruit punch and hot coffee. I must of been hungry because I ate it all. I’m lucky to have a dinner every night.

I feel good but I’m up the creek tonight. Battery in my tablet is charging his cell phone. I won’t be able to read This marks the second day without reading. I guess I was going through a real depressive phase. It takes a lot for me not to be able to concentrate on a good book. I was upset and so worried about Chocolatechip. But she is on the mend now. If I have a halfway decent night I hope I will  be able to get back to my book tomorrow.

I am kind of tired and sleepy now. I wish they would put me to bed early. I’ve been sitting in this wheelchair since six in the morning. I’m running on coffee now but the sleepyness and drowsiness will soon catch up on me. Bur I have a feeling they will keep me up late.

 It is going to be a bummer without my book. I’m hoping to be able to charge it up tonight so it will be ready tomorrow. I don’t want to forget about the book I’m reading

Well,goodnight I’m going to see if I can go to bed early.