That’s why they call it a CRUSH

There’s something wrong with me. There has to be.

Damnit.

I seem to have sprouted a liking for one of my managers at work again. Only this one is married, happily, and has 3 children – the oldest of which is 4 years younger than me! (14) The man is old enough to be my father and yet I somehow find it ridiculously disturbing this simple fact has little to no significant value over my giddiness.

A few days ago, when the unfortunate crush reared its unwelcome head, I was working again with him. We were the closing shift at the store that night and the whole time we were picking at each other and just making jokes with everyone; it was a fun night even though I was the only girl. Well, broom in hand as I began to sweep up before another team member mopped, I heard him say "…what are you talking about [team member]? Aly is just here for the looks." I whipped my head around as quickly as possible to involuntarily smile as I questioned why he would say that. Nope, didn’t get an answer. In fact, I was actually ignored as everyone continued to work. Apparently they figured if they kept working I would just forget. Ah, no. I just pushed it in my brain to think about it more later.

That same day he was continually teasing me about how all of the guys we work with are goo-goo-eyed at me. I couldn’t help but blush because even I know it’s really, actually true. Any one of them will do anything I ask them to do. I feel weird for saying it, but it is true. The last thing I want y’all to believe is that I think so highly of myself. I’m not self-centered or anything, I just know it because of past experiences. For crying out loud, one of them just GAVE me a laptop, the one I’m typing on now actually. So by him saying that all I could do, all I felt comfortable doing, was smiling sheepishly and smacking him playfully on his arm.

Today when we were working (I love alliteration) together, we were both at the Icedream machine (yes it really is Icedream) and were forced to stand very close together. He was blending a smoothie and I was making a milkshake. Anyway, I couldn’t help but hold back my smile in an effort to not give anything away. I stood still and tried to focus on not squeezing the shake too hard instead of the lack of space between us. Oh it did suck and it was a lot harder than I was hoping. It felt so silly making this a big deal but I couldn’t help it. He was just too…there. Next to me. Ugh, I feel so childish.

He was stocking the condiments bar as I was supposed to be cleaning tables when he distracted me saying something I can’t exactly remember. All he has to do is say something in my direction and I’m all ears. It’s pathetic really. But he’s always saying things that distract me. Talking about how everyone at work likes me so much and that’s why I never really get in trouble for talking most of the time instead of really working – when we aren’t busy of course. 😉

*sigh* I just discussed this whole ordeal with my best friend and she says she’d kill me if I tried to pursue him. It got me to thinking, talking with her. The man is married and part of me really feels like I’m making something out of nothing. Maybe he’s just being a nice guy and I’m just being a stupid little girl. For crying out loud the guy is not just a teenage boy like I’m used to. He’s a fully grown man who has children and a wife! Who’s to even say he would do anything were I to try? He wouldn’t. I wouldn’t. Maybe….

I’ve been reading too many books. This will never happen. And by that I guess I mean nothing inappropriate between the two of us will ever happen. Ever. Not that I’m wishing it to…ish. Oh I’ve got to stop this. This entry will be the death of me. You know they say if you store something online and delete it, it’s never fully gone? It’s still stuck somewhere in cyberspace. And again I say…

Damnit.