sooo medical school?

 

 

 

 So.. most of you don’t know this about me, but I don’t pay for my college education. I am involved in a few programs that, well, basically, they pay for it and that’s all you really need to know about.  I thought they’d only pay for my 4 year degree, but I recently found out that they will pay for graduate, law, or medical school (Along with a few other types of higher education).  I had originally wanted to be a teacher, although I wasn’t sure on what age.  I think it would be fantastic to mold young minds, and it’s all I’ve really known.  I’ve been teaching people since I was in 5th grade ffs. Then I got to college,  and I started realizing that I really, Really like psychology as well… and I realized that there were other possibilities outside of becoming a teacher for me. In my first year at school though, I became pregnant with my second child, and it occurred to me just how much I love the entire birthing process.  I think everything about it is quite frankly just amazing.  I began to think about midwifery but after not finding many programs that I could go into that would be paid for, I kind of gave up on the entire idea.  

so that leads me to today.  I found out medical school would be paid for for me if I can prove I could get a job as a doctor… Which sounds pretty easy to do.  

But i’m terrified.

I’m a good student.  I’m an honors kid, and i’m part of the national honors society, and this last semester I got a 4.0 (While raising 2 kids by myself by the way)..   I know the medical field is very competitive, but I feel like I have a very good shot at at Least being okay.  But growing up, I was constantly told that college wasn’t for me.. I wasn’t smart enough for it and I shouldn’t waste my time or money.  

And i’m terrified I’ll go into this, and I wont be good enough and i’ll prove them all right.   

This would put on another 3.5 years of school on my plate though on top of what i already expected to have…  And i don’t mind school, I love it actually.  But it’s hard going to school and being a mom at the same time.. Not that it’s any easier going to work and being a mom though, i suppose..

another problem is that I share 50% custody with my daughters father… and he lives only about 2 miles away.  We each have her a few days a week split up, instead of doing it every other week so that way she doesn’t miss either of us too much.  but..the nearest medical school is 3 hours away (there’s two in my state, both about equal time away).. This would require me giving up my house (i own it), and it would change our custody situation dramatically.. And I don’t know how i feel about any of that.  

I know nobody really read any of this.  I just needed to get this out there.

But it’s just…  I could actually deliver babies for a living.  like, If there’s a dream job for me, that is it.  And.. I mean, growing up in poverty, and now being a single mom of two.. to find out that I can actually go to medical school?  That’s the fucking dream.  I could be helping bring lives into the world, and I could get my family out of poverty.. How do I pass that up because I’m afraid I’ll lose my summers with my daughter or because I’m afraid of failing?  

But honestly.. how do you pass up free (to me) medical school?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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