Yellow Skittles.

I don’t want to write about him again.  I really don’t.  I want to seem calm and collected and just overall chill.. But it’s not going to happen. 

being a girl, and being the person i am, my natural instinct is to over analyze everything.  And i have been.  and in my doctor opinion (hah.)  I have come to the conclusion that i am either obsessing, trying to prove myself, or really falling for him.  

 The trying the prove myself option doesn’t seem like the right answer and heres why:  When i first messaged him, i had low expectations.  To be honest, i didn’t even think he’d be that enjoyable to talk to.  I’m just being honest.  He seemed like a giant wigger. Yes.  It’s unfortunately true.  BUT we had a high match percentage, and a few things in his profile i found amusing, so i thought i’d message him.. Just because i was bored, and figured.. why the hell not?  Maybe he’d be funny to talk to.  It never crossed my mind that i might actually Like him.

Oh boy was i mistaken.

I am constantly amazed by him.  Everything about him just floors me.  I can’t get over how perfect he is For Me.  I in no way think he’s perfect.. But honestly, Every detail i find out about him makes me fall a little harder.  I could never begin to tell you all the things we have in common, or how we have a good back and forth, his sense of humor, or the way we can go from being disgustingly cute to giving each other shit in half a second.. or Any of it.  you wouldn’t believe it, because i don’t.  I cannot believe there is somebody so similar to me in every single way.  

this may sound silly, but i gave up on that dream.  I thought i would find somebody i cared for, and they cared for me, and maybe we’d like a few of the same things.. I never dreamed that i would find somebody so exactly like me.  I’ve always heard that opposites attract.. But i think those people just haven’t found somebody who was made for them.

I never even knew if i believed in soul mates.  I never in my wildest dreams believed i would find mine.  

And i know it’s soon.  I know it is. You don’t have to bother telling me.  I couldn’t even tell you how many times i’ve talked to christina about how my next relationship.. I was going to do it right.  I was going to take my time, and get to know him and then date him and then maybe a year down the road consider getting engaged, and a year after that maybe get married.  

We’re not engaged or anything if you were concerned.  We’re only dating.  

 But this is going to last forever.  That may sound immature, and it may sound insane to think i know that already.  

But i am immature.  And i am insane..  Or maybe i’m just right.   

 .. I love this boy.  I never thought i could even feel this way with anybody.  And it’s not infatuation, and it’s not a crush or summer love, or whatever you want to call it.  It’s the real thing.  And it makes me wonder how i even thought i could love anybody else.  Or how i ever thought it would work with anybody.  After knowing this man,  No wonder it never worked with anybody else.  He is everything i ever hoped to find in somebody, and he is all of these amazing things rolled into one person, i can’t believe i got so lucky.  

 this is going to sound even weirder coming from me.. but hear me out.

 Maybe there is a god.  

 I honestly do not understand how somebody could be so perfect for somebody else without one.    

 I can’t explain it with odds, because the chances of finding somebody perfect for you are so incredibly improbable..i just can’t even wrap my mind around it. 

and i can’t explain how somebody i didn’t even think would be an interest could be so perfect for me..  How could that be a coincidence?  

There Has to be something else at work.  Whether it’s fate, or god, or karma.. Or whatever.  I owe it everything.