Annie Oakley

Let me begin this by saying i realize people die.  They die all the time regardless of where you live.  People are murdered all the time regardless of where they live.  Should they be? of course not, but they are because that’s.. well, as of right now, that’s just the way it is.  

With the shootings in colorado, and all of the bomb threats over the united states, this entry will seem rather unexciting, and unimportant to most of you, but, still.  just because bigger things are happening, doesn’t make this thing less important.  It’s still important.  

As a lot of you know, i live in a very small town.  .. a very small town.  We have less than 1,000 people living here, and my nearest walmart is about a 45 minute drive away.  I could tell you the names of the cashiers at my local grocery store, and of the people who bring the bags out to my car (yes, they still exist).  

With this small of a town, everybody knows everything about everybody.  It’s true, and if you came from a small town, you can probably relate to how annoying it is.  Except when they don’t.  When they don’t, it’s terrifying.  

When i was in high school, a girl a year younger than me went to a field party, and well, i want to be honest with you.. she was easy.

Very easy.

She took off with some older boy, and they found her body a few days later.  She had been drugged and raped and i believe shot.  To be honest, the way she died escapes me.  

That’s when coming from a small town is helpful.  Everybody knew who she left with.  They knew where she was.  However, they didn’t know she was unsafe.

A 27 year old man went missing 2 weeks ago.  And nobody knew where he was.  Nobody. Nobody was even quite sure where they last saw him.  How can this man have fallen through the cracks?

And now, less than a mile away from my house, a dismembered body of a man in his mid twenties was recovered.  

 
Please don’t get me wrong, i am deeply sorry for the family and friends he had.  I was not personally one of them.  But this story still bothers me.  One, because this is a small town, and with small towns, You think you’re safe.

and that’s where you’re so completely wrong.

 You’re not safe. not even a little. If i even told you the shit half of my friends got away with, you would probably shit yourself.

 And we found out how unsafe our kids were when molly left us.  and you know, i blew it off.  I figured she was dumb, she put herself in a bad situation.  I totally and completely blamed her.  That could NEVER happen to me, you know?  I wouldn’t do that.  I would know how to protect myself. I would never do that.  And even if i did, i could protect myself.

 But this man was 27.  A man. Not a preteen girl.  A MAN, a big man at that, was murdered, and torn a part.  

What chance would i have?  Was this random?  If it was, Who the hell knows who’s next.  If a man, a full grown man couldn’t protect himself, What chance do i have to protect my children and myself?  

 I suddenly feel like prey. 

 
And what if i did go missing.  Right now, my parents are out of town.. I’m not in school, and i am unemployed.   I don’t get calls on a regular basis, nor do i get text messages on a regular basis.. and even if i did, nobody would think twice if i didn’t answer for a day.. or even 3, because i have kids and i am a very busy person.  

Who would know i’m missing? or me and my children are missing?  

 Nobody. I have also fallen through the cracks of life.  

And that terrifies me.  

 If i’m not safe here, where the hell am i safe?  I’m not. and you’re not. and that’s scary as hell.

Your life could very well be in the hands of another person you’ve never met.  car accident or murder, or whatever.  Can you even imagine?  Your life, your entire being, suddenly is not in your control, and is instead in the hands of another man.  Another man with a gun, or a car, or an anything.  

I can handle dying of cancer, or old age, or accidental drowning or Whatever.  but the thought of having my last moments on earth being scared for my life, for my childrens lives, And having that all come down to one person. One person who doesn’t mean shit to the rest of the world.  Some insignificant person.. 

That’s the shit that keeps me up at night.

 Because of this, And forrest.. I will be buying a gun.  I never believed that a gun was the answer.

I always believed that if everybody just put down their guns, we’d be so much happier, in such a better place..

But the fact of the matter is that nobody wants to put down their gun first.  
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And i’m not going to be the one standing there wishing i hadn’t put mine down first. 

it’s not like i can’t handle myself with a gun.  i can. I actually have pretty decent aim.  For only shooting for maybe 10 minutes, i got the bulls eye every single time i shot.  I mean, it was only a 22, but still.  

Of course, it would only be for protection, Because i don’t like to hunt.  Well, that and i don’t even like anything that could be hunted.. and  i know it can’t help when i’m on a walk, or going to the store, but it would help me feel safer at home. The problem has always been for me that i don’t want to be the parent that has the child that brought the gun to school because he thought it was a toy.  So.. Once i figure out how to get around that, with a gun cabinet or something.. Then i’ll get one.