What’s done is done

Sitting here realizing I screwed up my life. I’ve no where to go and no one to see. The only person devastated by the divorce is me, no one else, even the boys. That sounds awful, but it’s true. Oh, they do miss from time to time, but life never missed a beat. Mom moved a man in the same day Dad left and she never talked to the boys about it, it was just the way it was.

How is it I mean so little to everyone? I have disorder. I’ve been told this. Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve told this to people, my therapist has told this to people and all their reactions were the same. Nothing. No one looked into it or sat down with me. My sister talked to my therapist and essentially made it all seem as though all she ever did was help, yeah right. So everything is me.

I’ve thought about suicide, several times in the last few years. I won’t do it, physically that is. I think tonight I’m going to mentally kill the person I am. There won’t be any tears from people and no one will find out or even care.

First thing, I have sent my last text to anyone. Let’s see how long I can really go before someone reaches out. Second, I just won’t care anymore. I’m going to smoke, eat, drink what I want, when I want. I left social media, except for this and I can bet you, no one will or has noticed. So, time to pull the metaphysical trigger.. See you on the other side.