אני קושית יפה/I’m a Cute Black Girl pg 2

Often I find myself wishing that I did this when I was younger. When I had the time to dedicate more of my time to all the studying and revising I need to do.

There are only so many hours in a day and only so many days in a week…when I was a kid I thought that when I was an adult I would have more time to do what I wanted to do and set my own schedules and I would have all the time in world to do what needed to be done.

Even though it has only been 2 weeks, I feel like I am falling behind and don’t know how I am going to catch up or feel as if I am able to breathe.

I thought that having grown up in Jewish family and lived my childhood as a Jew, I would have the added advantage! I would know all this and it would be all just fine and I would coast through this.

Hebrew is really hard, and the Hebrew Teacher…as nice as she is, she is hard to learn from…or maybe it is just doing everything via Zoom. Having to follow on my printed notes, watch the screen and follow what she is saying and then follow the online notes….and while that is all going on there is a conversation going on, on WhatsApp, between me and all the students. 

When I spoke to my father the other day and I stressed on how tough Hebrew is…he responded with “I told you so” – would have been nice to get a lil bit of encouragement from him. I already have the doubt from the limitation my head injury has caused…or at least could cause. I would like to think it is not an issue, I mean the accident was 17 years ago, but often I find myself wanting to scream at all the stress that is being piled on me.

      

 

 Before I was used to being able to do my own thing during work, as there wasn’t much to do, but now I am being asked to do more, but not getting paid more…but it is all the added stress and management and now I am pretty much constricted to do  stuff for those 9 hours and in the end get too tiered to do anything else afterwards.

  Yes the two come together! My home is such a mess…don’t have time to focus on it, well when I do, I would just rather use that time to read a book or watch some show. And my husband would like my attention and is so used to having it and me being on board with whatever he says, but now I have to balance time for him, my studies, work and just to breathe….and I still want a kid!

 I am in the process of trying to sell my duplex, that I was getting Rental Income from. I am so used to having my father manage all that, but now that is on my lap so I am busy trying to figure out what the Realtor wants, then what the Attorney wants…and I am still the owner of the house so I have to make sure the Rates and Levies are paid.

I am also stressing about how I will not be getting Rental Income…well I haven’t since last year June as I had no tenant but now soon I will def not  have Rental Income…and surviving on just mine and my husbands salaries isn’t very possible.

During Hebrew we read about how Fish is important to eat on Shabbat. Well learning that switched the light on, in my head  As a child every Shabbat dinner was fish. I never found it strange…but always knew that there would be a fish dish. When I left home, fish dinners became very rare…fish is a very expensive food item in Cape Town, kinda strange when the city is surrounded by the ocean and the city is known for its homey Fish and Chips meals at restaurants and cafés…and also my husband is not a big fish fan…so I never bothered to make fish as main ingredient regularly.

But I told him that from now on…we will be having fish a lot more often….

The Story about eating Dag דג  (Fish) on Shabbat comes for the Talmud.

A man named Joseph had a greedy neighbor. The neighbor was told that Joseph would somehow get all his money. So, the neighbor sold everything and bought a precious jewel. He put the jewel into his turban to keep it safe. 

One day, the wind blew the turban into the river. A Dag דג (Fish) swallowed the jewel. 

Weeks later, the Dag דג (Fish) was caught and brought to market. When Joseph saw the Dag דג (Fish), he bought it right away for Shabbat supper. 

When he cut into the Dag דג (Fish), he found the jewel inside it. Joseph sold the jewel for 13 rooms filled with gold coins. 

And so it is said, if you honor Shabbat, Shabbat will repay you with honor. – Talmud – Shabbat 119a

So tomorrow I intend to make a fish supper.

In Jewish Studies we were taught about the cycles of fresh produce and when to eat it and how to respect it. Tu BiShevat.

This morning when I woke up and remembered that it is Thursday and then I thought about everything that the day would be filled with…I panicked and nearly went into a freak-out. Often I wonder how I am going to do all this.

Be a 

 

 a 8 – 5 job every Monday to Friday.

Find another form of  and obviously sell the one that I am getting now.

Build a  which will be suitable for me to grow a family in.

 

Focus on my  , so next year I can proudly call myself a Jew אני קושית יפה

And so through life and through this journey, when times get tough and when I feel lost, I must always remember Proverbs 3:5-6

3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. 3:7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.