Giving More…
There was a time…yes we were younger and thinner….
But we would cuddle on the same side of the sofa while we watched tv and when in bed we would watch shows while I was lying in his arms. (Yes then we had laptops, we could watch shows off) and we were sharing a double bed.
Finally we got a King Size bed…and we got bigger…our laptops packed up and we no longer bothered about being close and cuddling.
I talk about what I want in my marriage…but I seem to forget that it isn’t all just up to my husband, and I too should make the effort and I should show him what I want and what I miss.
Not that he has any excuse for cheating in any way but a reason for him turning to someone else, even though she was miles away and he never physically was with her, was to get some kind of validation and support and love.
He knows that I love him, but of course with all that goes on in the day I suppose it is right to assume that we both feel just giving each other the kiss, that that is enough. But is isn’t.
G-d said it himself in the Torah…in the Bible. How he wants us to say his words all the time, to carry them with us no matter where we are and what we do. A priest once said to the congregation, during a sermon how G-d is jealous and wants us to worship him alone.
I will not hold anybody to as high of a standard as G-d, but my husband deserves my devotion to him too.
So I feel you on this. I also want to be closer but don’t want to come off naggy. My husband and I had a long talk about things until 3 am the other day and what I found out was it isn’t that he doesn’t care, he told me he reverts to self love and porn because he doesn’t want to inconvenience me, he said I’m not always in the mood or available and while that’s fine, he can just take care of himself in a few minutes. He said when I’m interested I make it known, and so those days we are together. He didn’t want to make it like a chore I had to take of him. I was so like put off by it, like what the heck. It’s not my ideal. I told him i don’t want that. Even if I’m not in “the mood” which rarely ever happens, I would like the opportunity. I don’t think we think of things in the same way as they do. I’ve determined to try to make myself more “available” and I’ve encouraged him to do the same. We have to be upfront about what we want and need and I think some women (myself included) are set in the mindset of saying those things (our wants and needs) make us naggy yet we want our partners to tell us their wants and needs. Hopefully we are able to work back to what we want. Good luck!
@boring – I get that. My husband says he doesn’t try or instigate anything because in the past I have often pushed him away then or gone on about not being in the mood. But I told him that I don’t want to just be grabbed and harassed. I want to be romanced and made to want to be in the mood too. He has yet to do anything, so basically unless I instigate it, nothing happens. We haven’t been intimate since mid December. And we were on leave together for half of December.
When I was writing this post I was so sure about having a good night with my husband, but we got into an argument on the way home, and we are now like strangers living together.
Good Luck to you.
@ncumisa I admit there were many years I was the same, I wasn’t in the mood ever, I dunno what changed but the kids are older and less needy, life is just a little easier and I think just my sex drive in general is up. It’s unfair ours goes up and theirs go down. I’ve determined we aren’t going to become the people that aren’t intimate together, I’m going to make it happen. He said he didn’t know I felt that way. I think I spent a lot of nights “hopeful” he’d make a move but he was spending the same time waiting for me .. ugh… communication sometimes feels like it’s supposed to be so easy but is actually really hard sometimes. Booo for the fighting but sometimes we all need a good fight.
The issue with our fighting or disagreements is that they will get me in a shit mood and I will be off him for hours if not days. So another weekend has been ruined.
When I left left flat this morning, I kissed him goodbye and I got taste alcohol on his lips.
That pissed me off. But hey I am having my hair done and going to focus on me being happy.
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