It sucks having feels

You’d think after 20 years of dealing with the same bullshit it would be easier to get over. Theoretically everything is okay but deep down when you get your feelings hurt there’s just nothing worse. I dunno about you but whenever I find things I wasn’t supposed to find it makes me feel like I’m the inadequate one. As if it’s somehow  my fault. Why does my brain do that. I know it’s not my fault but I get stuck into the well why wasn’t I enough trap. Why can’t I ever be enough?
I wish there was an off switch to emotions because there’s only so much you should have to feel. 20 years and I’m still not enough. 😳