A Million Little Things…Part 1

It took me a while to actually watch this show…but I have been so addicted to it and I cannot wait for it to come back on.

I have gotten  my husband into it too….and whenever we watch a clip of Eddie and his whole alcoholic saga…and just any other episode that relates to something in my marriage, I always look over at him and try and decipher how he feels about that scene and if he picks up how it relates to us. I would love to talk to him about it and us and how it resonates to us sometimes but I would rather he picks up on it and says something first.

 

I am fortunate to be blessed with a family I know will always be there for me. No matter where life takes me, they are always there to Support, Love, Guide and Just be there for me. I love them all…BIOLOGICALLY or NOT! G-d chose them for me and I grateful for his choice.

 

Okay so right now I do not love the job that I am in but I sure am grateful for it. Every time when I drive home or leave home I go past a bunch of vagrants and…yes seeing people that are homeless and dirty and begging for money or help is nothing really new but now I see WHITE people and they are pitched up right in the “Affluent” area that I live in…so it is right in my face and not something that I can turn a blind eye to anymore…

But seeing these people makes me realize just how lucky I am to have a job and, even though I wish it was more, to be earning an income and be able to feed myself everyday and should I budget correctly be able to eat out and enjoy life, is a true gift and something to be really grateful for.

 

 

 

Many years ago I nearly saw the white light and never got the chance to make my life worthy. Well I haven’t really done anything to make my life worthy, so I think I should do something about that….but anyway I was in a car accident and suffered a lot and yes still many years later… (almost 18)

…I still live with the scars and outcomes of that accident but THANKS to my dad I am able to walk…and THANKS to him the RAF did pay me a nice lump sum allowing me to potentially have some financial stability and resources to grow….

Yes I am overweight and obviously at risk to many diseases…but I am grateful to still be here and to still be able to do what I used to be able to do…well kinda, I guess being overweight does kinda limit my activity and willingness to show off my body and swim or tan…well I am Black so I don’t really need to get any tan…but lying in the sun and reading used to be something that I enjoyed doing…and swimming…I say that I hate the beach…I mean I do hate sand and how months later I will still find sand particles in my bag or in my car or somewhere random…but I also know deep down that I hate the beach because of my body size and the way I look in a costume…or at least how I would look in a costume if I actually wore one…

Anyway back to my health…I am grateful for it and even more grateful to have been spared having to suffer through covid or any other serious virus/disease. But I really wish that I could fall pregnant. I so want to be a mommy…

Even tough I may not see them much or make much of an effort to keep in touch with them, I am grateful to know that they are there for me and I am grateful for the time we do spend together.

Yes there are many issues but why do I keep holding onto him and our marriage/relationship…

Yes I love him…but it is so much more than that….I feel a peace with him and content and tranquil…(all those words kinda mean the same thing)

Many times throughout the day we will react to the same thing, the same way, at the exact same time…. it makes us laugh.

We get each other. We are there for each other…I know that if I had to be stranded on an island, I would be alright knowing that he is on that island with me.

I am very ticklish and as much as I hate being tickled and I let him know that, he loves to tickle me and have a laugh at my girlish and uncontrollable laughs…when those moments happen I do enjoy the closeness I experience…I know I am weird

You know, we want the same things from life. We both want to be in finance….I am over it and have accepted the idea of never being a Financial Accountant or working in that environment…he hasn’t quite yet. He talks about it a lot and how he will do great in that sphere but he will be 38 on the 20th and he hasn’t furthered his studies to get there…just talks about how he will study…and I get how life can get busy…but he never officially completed High School…so he has to do that and then get the accounting entry level and then get to the high level he wants to be able to reach what he wants and it bothers me how he is not making the effort to do all that, but is so certain that he will get there….I mean I will help him however I can and wish him the best, I just wish he was realistic….or actually put in some work towards it now….and was less ‘Just All Talk’ about it. Often we dream talk about how life would be if and when we had it all…

• 2.5 kids
• House
• Me – SUV
• Him – BMW
• Him – Business and Finance Degree
• Me – Thinner Body, Kids, House, Mom’s Club

I suppose all that is possible, we are just lazy about making that happen. Guess I can say I am just good with the easy lifestyle…choosing a few numbers and becoming an over night multi millionaire.