Memory or fabrication

Are the memories gone? Never made? Just locked up tight? I hate describing the smallest snapshot of a memory and then saying “I assume I would have felt..” And the snippets of memories I have, I don’t trust. I know I fell in the bathtub and had to get stitches. I also know that I screamed when they tried to cover my face. Did I already know that no one could be trusted? It must’ve been a change for me to get her attention, because I recall relatively vividly trying to hurt myself again to get a trickle of that attention. I can’t imagine any other reason I would have done that. But can I trust that memory at all? It’s so frustratingly difficult to piece it together and try to find the source. I’m just left with the mess and no idea how it was made.