Deandre

After Chris I took a break from dating. It just didn’t excite me anymore. I also still had a crush on Michael after all these years. Well,  Michael got a girlfriend and I think that was what finally made me shake free of him. Not only did he give up another opportunity to be with me, but he found someone who wasn’t even as good as me. That was a huge insult and such a turn off. I was so tired of someone not choosing me.

On another note I was became really good friends with the girl next door, Angelica. It was really nice to have someone so close that I could have girl time with! We had so much fun this year! Going to concerts and parties together! At one of those parties is where I met DeAndre.

It was my friend JR’s 1920s themed birthday party. The plan was to go, drink, and just have fun. I had no intention of finding anyone to date there. I was taken aback at how many of JR’s male friends were aggressively hitting on me, and not in a good way. Acting like immature frat boys that were drunk I’m not even able to properly finish a sentence. I was getting really annoyed as it was not the kind of attention I wanted to receive. Angelica and I briefly spoke with a gentleman though named DeAndre. We saw him when we were first entering the party as we arrived at the same time. I thought he was really nice, and left it at that as he was not physically my type.

A couple of months goes by and I end up going to JR‘s Christmas party on December 18th with my friend Elizabeth. I was worried that maybe the same stupid drunk guys from last time would be there again. Not all of them were thank goodness. This was a more low-key holiday party And his parents were there as well which was very pleasant. I recognized Deandre so I called out to him. I didn’t think he would recognize me since I was wearing a wig the first time, but he looked over, smiled and came to say hello, But almost immediately was called away to do a shot with his buddies. I said it was fine we could chat later.

Not much later he found me and immediately told me that he had been crushing on me since the first time he saw me and asked me what he had to do to get me to go on a date with him. I was very taken aback! I was not expecting that and his confidence really impressed me, so I gave him my number and said I was down to see if there was any chemistry.

Fast forward summary of the next two months. It started amazing and slowly fizzled out. I think it was partly my fault. I’m used to feeling butterflies right off the bat when I’m into someone. In the past, when I wasn’t feeling sparks right away the sparks never seemed to come.  So when I wasn’t feeling the Sparks after a couple weeks of dating Deandre I started to worry that maybe the feelings wouldn’t come this time either, or maybe I just wasn’t as into him as I thought. Maybe I only liked him as a friend? I felt very confused. Especially since he seemed to be completely smitten with me. I was putting pressure on myself because I was not on the same page as him.

I decided to be transparent and let him know how I was feeling Because I felt he deserved to know. And let him know that I still wanted to continue dating him to see where things would lead because I really didn’t like him. I just wasn’t sure if it was going to develope into something romantic yet. I could tell he was really hurt And he told me he needed to think about things. At that moment I really felt like I fucked up. I was relieved, however, that he called me back to tell me he also wanted to keep dating and continue pursuing me because I was worth it and there was no way of knowing how some thing was going to go unless you put time and effort into it. It made me very happy and I gave a sigh of relief. That was also a moment where I realized I truly didn’t like him because I was really scared at the thought of losing him in that moment.

Moving forward, I did start developing strong feelings for Deandre after all! Well getting to know him his character impressed me more and more and I found myself even more attracted to him. It really surprised me because I didn’t know I had the capability of developing feelings over time instead of it being like a POW right from the beginning.  However, As I developed feelings, I  don’t think he was able to get past when I hurt him.  I could tell from then that he had put up a little bit of a wall. he had his guard up. Eventually he was honest with me and said he just couldn’t get back to where things were in the beginning.

I completely understood even though I was very sad. I think we were both very sad. We both wish that I had worked out and we both had love and respect for each other. Deandre was the first person I could speak to honestly about my feelings without being made to feel guilty for it or feel like my feelings weren’t validated. He was such a good listener and never made me feel silly you’re stupid broke communicating. He said he loved it and appreciated it. He also communicated his side of things very well. It was very healthy relationship and I learned a lot from it. Even though it was such short lived. Truth be told I actually thought I was going to marry that man.

We are still friends and still hang out in the same group of friends. I will always be grateful for him And for the opportunity the universe gave me to use the tools I’ve been given to show myself that I truly can have a healthy relationship.