2021 – 2022

As I look back on the past 12 months…365 days…I see that my life has not changed much….if at all…

I am still morbidly obese…

Still Childless

Still Struggling Financially

My Marriage is still a rollercoaster but I STILL DO LOVE HIM

Still living in a flat I don’t quite love

Okay…I could go on forever…but like many right now I am thinking about what I want my life to be like in 2022. I know that for the next few hours I will be sure of it and I will be so eager to make it happen and odds are that come Thursday the 6th of January 2022 when I am back at work, things will be the same. But I need to stop letting the norm dictate my happiness and I need to stop just giving up. I need to follow through and make a change.

So I ask G-d to please give me the strength and dedication to stick to my resolutions and to make

 a 

a 

a 

and  year

now of course I am not going to leave 2021 without some resolutions for myself. And I hope to continue to check back on this post to see where I am at with my resolutions. It is time I held myself accountable and lived up to what I know and want to be.

The ancient Babylonians are said to have been the first people to make New Year’s resolutions, some 4,000 years ago. They were also the first to hold recorded celebrations in honor of the new year—though for them the year began not in January but in mid-March, when the crops were planted. During a massive 12-day religious festival known as Akitu, the Babylonians crowned a new king or reaffirmed their loyalty to the reigning king. They also made promises to the gods to pay their debts and return any objects they had borrowed. These promises could be considered the forerunners of our New Year’s resolutions. If the Babylonians kept to their word, their (pagan) gods would bestow favor on them for the coming year. If not, they would fall out of the gods’ favor—a place no one wanted to be.

And now for my resolutions. I figure since there are 12 months in a year I should list 12…

1. 

I am currently 115.4 kg. I need to be at about 55kg to be at a suitable weight for my height which is 153cm. I need to and I am going to weight anything belore 60kg by this time next year. 

2. 

If I want to get a better job and earn more money I need to work harder for it and be worth it. So I need to get a few diplomas or subjects on my CV and I need to show that I am worth more than what I earn and what my current CV displays. 

3. 

Ideally I would like to live in a 3+ bedroom, double story house, with a pool, garden and have all the fittings I would like. Now I am not saying that is a pipe-dream but since getting that house and being able to afford it is no guarantee I need to fix up my current casa and make it more fitting to what I want my home to be. 

4. 

I love my husband. And in many of my past entries I have gone about his habits and the way he brings me down and blah blah blah. On many occasions I have tried to end my marriage but a few days later have succumbed to the happiness that is in my marriage at times and therefore gone back on my word. 

I need to admit that I am not really wanting to give up on him and me and our fairytale forever. So I need to stop bitching about it and I need to stop crying WOLF and I need to make it work.  

Follow through with therapist

Live everyday 

Be less stubborn 

Make our marriage an adventure 

5. 

I need to stop living pay check to pay check and need to invest and think of tomorrow. 

6. 

I want to become a mom or be in the process of becoming a mom by this time next year. 

May that be via adoption

May I loose enough weight to actually be able to fall pregnant and carry a baby full term 

Either way I will become a mom somehow soon

7. 

I need to either fix up my car or look into getting a new car…preferably a new car as the car that I have now does run well but I need an automatic and I have made too many marks on it…scratches, bumps, dents… 

8. 

I need to make more of an effort to see and keep up with my current friends and I need to make new friends. 

9. 

I need to live more and let myself be happy more. I know life can really suck sometimes and it can be hard but I need to not dwell in the excuse of my depression and things not going my way and in stead strive to make every day of the year a great day, no matter what I have to do. 

10. 

I need to stop just accepting life and I need to strive for more. So I need to get a job that makes me feel good about myself and makes me feel worthy. And of course pays me a better salary. This kinda goes along with RESOLUTION#2

OKAY I CANNOT THINK OF 12 RESOLUTIONS. SO I THINK I AM GOING TO STOP NOW AND JUST STRIVE FOR WHAT I HAVE LISTED AND AIM FOR BEING AND DOING GREATER.