The love of dogs.

I’ve got this bad habit of replacing loss with dogs. It’s simply what I want to do. What my heart craves to do.

I watch the rescue pages constantly. I can’t stop. My therapist asked the other day if I thought that maybe I give my dogs the love I always wished I’d had and never received. Yeah. Maybe. My dogs live a better life than many peoples kids.

So, there’s this dog. I’ve fallen in love with him. Complete and absolute love. The rescue has had him almost a week now. The first picture was he was found lost, appeared to have been in a fight with another dog but was so sweet they were sure someone was looking. A week later nobody has came forward. This sweet boy had surgery to figure out the extent of his wounds and stitch them up. They figured out in the process he was shot. Not once but at least twice in the jaw and neck. Who does this? How? Why? How can a human hurt someone so sweet and loyal. With huge pleading eyes. Eyes that show a beautiful soul.

I loved him. There was just something about him. They updated with the gunshots today and my heart broke. Maybe I love him because you could see the trauma in those trusting eyes. Gosh, I can relate to that boy. Me too buddy, me too. Maybe I love him because I’m a crazy dog lover. Maybe I’m just broken over Trey this week. Who knows.

Of course, I messaged the lady who runs the rescue just to nicely say if an owner never comes forward I’d be happy to be considered. Can’t hurt to throw it out there. She told me he was way younger than I normally want. Somedays it doesn’t matter. Somedays you just fall in love. And maybe age isn’t my thoughts but those who need someone the most. The most damaged, most hurt, most trauma.

Yeah, okay, I treat my dogs as if they were me. Who knows if this will pan out. He’s honestly so sweet I expect to hear he’s a foster fail in no time. So I’m not holding my breath. But maybe.

In the meantime – Med appointment today. No changes but she’s impressed with the progress I’m making. Slow, steady progress. Scanned in more refinancing papers. Checked my email a million times waiting for divorce papers to be signed.

Now I have no motivation. No energy. No interest in productivity. I had plans to clean and such. But I just want to sit here. Shower. Sleep.