Early morning trauma dump.

3:40am

My therapist told me to journal when I have memories from growing up that keep me from sleeping. This is only a small bit of my childhood but it’s the stuff that is keeping me up tonight for whatever reason.

Memory 1.

When I was in elementary school I had a best friend who lived across the street from me. He had a physical growth development impairment that caused him to be smaller than the average kid. I never treated him any differently than I would a “normal” sized kid. One time me, him and his little brother were jumping on the trampoline in my back yard when we we in about 5th grade. It was summer time. This was back when the Hulk Hands toy was a big deal. He brought them over to my house that day. While we jumped on the trampoline one of us (I don’t remember who) came up with the idea to box with the hulk hands, but because we only had one pair we could only use one hand. So me and this friend put a single hulk hand on  and we started to box. I remember I was taking it easy on him at first since I was alot taller, but then this kid decked me square in the nose with his barehand. This set me off and I blacked out with rage, I started punching him over and over again with the hulk hand. Then he did it again, his brother chanted “yeah get him! Take the gloves off!” So I threw the glove over the net that surrounded the trampoline and just started wailing on this kid. He then started to act funny, growling and barking at me like a dog. I panicked and jumped off of the trampoline. He then jumped off of the trampoline and started to chase me on all fours like a rabid dog, growling and drooling at the mouth. Now looking back I realize he was probably having a weird seizer from being punched in the head really hard many times. I kept yelling “friend stop! You’re scaring me!” He didn’t stop for a good few minutes. Then he clicked back to himself and sprinted across to street to his house. His brother, who was very shaken up by his brother acting like a crazed dog, followed him home. About 15 minutes go by. I was sitting on the swing outside when my mom called me inside screaming at me “what did you do?! The neighbors mom wants me to go talk to her about you fighting with friend!” I try to explain to her but no amount of explaining would cause her to not spank me with the belt.

Before the punishment we go across the street to see friend and talk to his mom. I guess one side of his face was swollen so bad he couldn’t open his eye. I wasn’t allowed to see him at that time and we were grounded from playing with each other for a couple weeks. I got my ass whipped, told I was going to end up in juvenile detention and I had to stay outside for the remainder of the day.