Jasper

I realized I never updated. It wasn’t something I wanted to say.

My favorite cat died. He had something wrong with him in his stomach. But I feel like…if I didn’t have kids, maybe I would’ve caught it sooner. I tried taking him in like twice and they never caught it here.

Jasper, I don’t feel like I helped you enough and I am sorry.

I just wonder how much a person can take.

I re-read my diary from the time I started hanging out with Dustin.

I said he was difficult. Maybe not so great a decision making. My life is up in the air. I feel like I don’t have control and also have too much control.

I am not who I was a few years ago. I don’t know who I am. I am someone who takes care of two kids. I am a terrible pet owner who doesn’t see when their pet is dying. And I see it when it’s too late to save him.

I don’t know, but no one told me 35 was going to make me feel like 18 where I literally knew nothing and couldn’t figure out what to do in my life.

I hope I can one day look back on this time and see it was worth I’ll I’ve experienced.

Things are not good.