Lost, Confused.

Not the one to usually use things like this but I need to let it out somewhere… I don’t even know where to begin my life has been a total roller coaster seeming to go down a big hill and not stopping any time soon. I’m young (19) and still got a lot ahead of me but I don’t know what to do with my life. it’s not like I have time to think and try stuff out I am no longer living with my mom due to an ongoing situation with my sister who attacked me and now forcing us to go to trial acting like a victim and she’s 38 and very toxic and my mom choosing her of course. So I’m staying with my boyfriend and his mom and sometimes I don’t think he is the one for me. and somehow I’m stuck. I feel like I’m in domestic violence relationship because I feel like he looks at me more of an object of sex than love and the other day “playing around” he took chips from me so I layed down and then he tossed them at me and they slammed on my face kinda hard and I cried. instead of comforting me he calls me a pussy and he says he plays rough any other time and of course i was upset so I was yelling and ready to leave and then tells me he doesn’t want me driving all upset and I told him I’m going to Dunkin for space and walking out he gripped my arm and shirt so hard he ripped my shirt and after an hour he let me leave. on top of it, I suffer from depression and he says I make it up, and basically mental illness isn’t real and just calls me lazy. Also, his mom is super obsessed with the brother’s girlfriend and the other day said I look pregnant.. like im, not even that fat (130). I could literally go on for days but I got so into typing while he sleeping on the side of me not sure he was pretending to sleep and read this. ugh over everything.