Day 1 after the breakup….

I struggled to sleep last night. I woke up randomly so many times. After a break up it’s so hard to adjust to being alone and being ok with being alone. I was so used to sleeping beside him and waking up to him every morning and now that’s no more. I woke up with a pit in my stomach. I feel anxious. I feel sick, and I once again don’t want to eat. This happens every time. The good thing is I’ll lose some weight after this…. 🤦🏻‍♀️It’s always hard for me to eat after breakups …. My nerves are shot for awhile… and I’m sure will be for a little longer dealing with his threats and just who he was as a person. He was such a fake. Such a hypocrite. We’d be out in public and he’d be so Christian and all about God, then the minute we get home he’s cussing me telling me to “fuck off” calling me a dumb fuck and a dumb ass over me calling him out for being shady or doing something disrespectful towards me. I’m sure time will heal…. Just right now I’m definitely hurting. I know it’ll get better and I’ll get through this…. I’ve been here before. I’ve loved and given my all to someone only to be left alone before…. This is nothing new and this too shall pass. As far as moving and all of that…. I’m not sure what’s in store for me there. I know I don’t want to be in that house any longer. Too many bad memories and too much hurt…. But it’s also the cheapest house there is out there right now. I mean $945 a month for a 4 bedroom home…. You really can’t beat that.

here I am. Feeling anxious and sick. Can’t eat. Don’t sleep well. Wondering if I really caused all of this again, if this was all my fault again…. Day one…. Surely it gets better right?? 😔