The Maid

I started watching this show on Netflix, last night. And as much as I love the ability to binge watch it I cannot even get past the first 15 minutes of the 2nd episode.

Why?

Because, as I said in a previous post, it feels so close to home…besides the child.

Now every day at work I scroll through ‘EOnline’ and read the headlines that spark my interest. There is a post about ‘The Maid’ and when it was posted I didn’t read it then, as I hadn’t watched the show yet and knew nothing about it…but I just read it and even though it was a lil spoiler for me, a few things stuck out…

“Before they bite, they bark. Before they hit you, they hit near you.”

– EOnline by  CYDNEY CONTRERA 

My husband in the past has pushed me and flipped the bed and twisted my arm and punched a wall…but I forgave him for all that, as he had a reason for behaving that way (so he claims). Now when he gets drunk he brings me down and picks on me and makes me feel less. But I am a strong and stubborn person so I stand up for myself…but I shouldn’t have to. Yesterday when I was shopping I bought myself a bunch of roses and sat starring at them for awhile…it would have been nice if someone bought them for me, but I thought I would try and brighten up my home and make myself feel better….didn’t last very long.

I sent him a link about ‘Alcohol Poisoning’ and he didn’t take it seriously…I highlighted how he has 3 of the “serious” symptoms when he drinks…and he just spat out how his drinking is between him and G-d. (Fuck me right?)

My sister senses something is wrong, so she plans on calling me later and when she asks what do I say. I cannot lie to her? And I cannot tell her. Because I feel so stupid. I saw this happening before I married him. I have kicked him out before. I have gone to the police who at first, all those years ago said that he has had to have hit me in order for them to arrest him…and when he became violent on me (yes this was all before I married him…this was about 6 years ago and even though I kicked him out afterwards, I took him back, believed his promises and married him…well kinda married him) anyway…so the police arrest him, put him in the back and took him on a joy ride around the suburb and then brought him home a few hours ago. But I had locked the house up and he couldn’t get in, and I refused to answer to him so he slept in the street or building toilet for the building cleaners or something…

Back to The Maid I would love to watch more but I hate how it makes me feel…I feel pride for her, for getting out and protecting her daughter…. but I can’t get out…I feel held back and he threatens how he won’t go or let me go. Her goes on about he ‘Owns’ me and he just lets me think that I can be ‘Strong’ and ‘Stand Up to Him’

As I am writing this I am shouting at myself to get out of this relationship…

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