How My Children Save My Life, Daily.

Every time I write in this diary, it’s always something dramatic, something depressing, or I’m sharing the deepest parts of my heart that would be inappropriate to share publicly.

However, even in my most depressing and sad moments…I look at my kids and realize how deep my love is for them and how they teach me new things everyday.

It all started with my eldest daughter…she was the start of it all!

I remember the day she was born.  I remember when I first went into labor with her…I was working on a Sunday (at a restaurant). I was in labor for the first 5 hours at work before I went to the hospital, Lol.  One of my co-workers drove me to the hospital after the labor got more intense.

Fast forward, I was at the hospital and had to be bed ridden (due to a high risk of preeclampsia), and the doctors induced my labor a little more so I can deliver my daughter sooner…and I decided on an epidural because there was NO WAY I was dealing with the pain anymore. Haha!

Hours later, at 1:30 AM on December 21, 2009…I had my beautiful baby girl.  She weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz.  I was so excited to see her! When I first held her and had her on my chest, I kissed her little face.  She was no bigger then a tiny loaf of bread.

Hours later, about 4 in the morning, I was holding her in the hospital bed, and she looked right at me and our eyes locked.  I can’t explain it….it was one of the most magical moments of my life.  I’d been in a lot of hurt earlier that year and all of the year before; then suddenly, I felt like I was surrounded by all the stars in the galaxy and it was just her and I in a magical bliss. I felt like I experienced one of the greatest loves I had ever experienced that also gave me the healing that I needed in that moment.

Many years later…my little loaf of bread isn’t a loaf of bread.  Her head just reaches below my chin and she is on the verge of puberty.  She’s grown so much!

Tonight, she stayed up late with me (for a little bit and I made her go to bed, lol) and we both sat in the living room, ate some of my keto cereal (lol) and watched Netflix together. Spending time with her, making memories, brought me such a great joy….and to think one of my little girls is almost a teenager just blows my mind!  Still, even in that moment, I get a little more healing than I did before 🥰

All of my kids do the same as my eldest.  From the time they were born to today, they have saved me in so many different ways!  I love them all equally and love them all for their different personalities!  I love that my youngest daughter wants to copy me by putting on makeup and dressing up…then coming to ask me if she looks pretty (and for which I tell her how absolutely beautiful she is)…and then there’s my boys! Lol.  I love how my eldest son (for years) has this deep love for space!  The way he gets fascinated by life and how curious he is inspires me in so many ways! And my rowdy youngest son…he, at the age 4 1/2, wants to be a soldier because he wants to protect people.  He came up to me one day, gave me the biggest hug and said, “I’ll protect you, Mommy!”  – which warmed my heart!

Like I said, my kids save my life daily!  When I have moments where I want to give up or quit… I think about them!  They are my life…starting from day one!

I am so blessed to have them.  💖