Me The Adult Pt 2 – Me @ My Heaviest

As a child I have always be heavier than the others. Okay so I wasn’t so bad in Primary School but in High School I was, even though now when I look at pictures I think I looked alright. But now…not so much.

Since 2015 I have always been above 111kg, and right now I am at my heaviest.

There was a time when my husband, then boyfriend, and I would love to pig out on chocolate muffins and chocolate late at night…we would just binge watch tv shows and munch on junk food. Everything was okay I was in my late 20’s, had a boyfriend…never been a fan of the beach so the fact that I didn’t look good in a bikini never bothered me since I was never going to wear one.

For about a month I ended my engagement to my husband and kicked him out of the flat. I spent weeks being so focus…going to gym, eating healthy and I lost about 4kg in that month. I was sleeping well and all was going well.

We got back together and I vowed to keep on the good path…I lost a bit more and all was well…he proposed in front of my dad and my dad’s girlfriend…I said yes…and then we had a wedding to plan. My weight became a bit of a yoyo for those few months…but when I got married, even though I was still overweight I was still lighter than when I was in 2015kg.

Lately he has been going on and on about us having a baby and how I should speak to the docs etc about it and we really need to have a baby around. Someone that he can mess around with…someone for me to worry about so I can stop stressing over him…someone to make us feel as if we have reached a new level in our relationship. So this weekend he had been going on and on about me going to a fertility clinic and getting the tests and fertility treatments etc. Now since I have PCOS I have always known that when I want to fall pregnant it wouldn’t be just a snap of my fingers. I have always been ready for the possibility of injecting myself and all that and if we happen to fall into a pile of cash then I would possibly go the IVF way.

So yesterday I emailed a fertility clinic and explained my whole saga…and after sending the email I decided to weight myself and boy did I get a shock. I now weight 117.4kg. the highest I have ever been.

I started thinking how stupid I was a few years ago when I began the process for a Bariatric Op. I saw so many doctors and filled in so many forms…because I was so certain I was gonna do it. Back then I weighed about 97kg. I was obese, since I am only 153cm, but I always chickened out when it came time to complete the last few exams and see the last few docs before actually booking a date for my op. My sister had the Bariatric Op about 12 years ago. She has always been morbidly obese. Ever since she was in high school. She managed to have 2 kids while still being obese. Just about a year after her op she had her 3rd child, unplanned.

Now I know if I have the operation I cannot fall pregnant, until after a year after the op. Do I want to be 37 and pregnant with my 1st child then?

Anyway today while at work I began to fill in forms for the fertility clinic and right now is seems okay, just a couple of grand to have scan and blood tests etc.

But damn do I wish that I never let myself put on so much weight. Falling pregnant was never going to be an easy thing but I am sure it would be a little bit easier than it is now.

I really want to adopt…but I need to really get my mind in the right place and I really need to loose weight.