Day 2: Write Something That Someone Told You About Yourself That You Never Forgot

Okay this is a tough one. Because there is something that I was told or something that was said to me, that I will never forget and I think about it all the time…it something that I ponder about all the time because I do not know what they meant and I will never find out.

I have never told anybody this…

Back in October 2010 while my mother was in hospital…her last few days with us before she hopefully found a more peaceful place and was no longer in pain…my family and I were all in the city and we knew that it was time for her to go. She had been given morphine so every day nurses and doctors and my father and sisters and I would feel her skin to see how cold it was…and I remember that he skin was just getting sticky.

It was a Wednesday…the 13th of October 2010. I had a period between classes or something, but I felt the need to go and see her in hospital. So I left college and drove off to the hospital…went up to her room and just sat there holding her hand…don’t know if I spoke to her and if I did I don’t know what I said but I remember she woke up…and for a brief moment she looked at me and said…. “I hope you have a better life…” and then she went back to sleep. I don’t know what she meant by that. I don’t know if she was lucid, or if she knew she was talking to me…I feel like I had a great life and yes they have been hard times but I cannot complain about how I was brought up and the life she blessed me with. So since that day I have always wondered what did she mean. I never brought this up with anyone as I felt that this could be our little thing. That was the last time she ever woke up…so it is kinda girl that I got that. 4 days later she died.

💕 💕 💕💕 💕💕 💕 💕 💕

Okay….let me really answer the question….what did someone tell me about myself that I have never forgotten??

Well I have been told many things about myself that I know are true and have never forgotten…but I am not going to go into all my characteristics and stuff…mmmm…..mmmmm….

Okay…so up until I 2000, when I was 13 years old my biological mother was the domestic worker for this family…who I have always looked at and called as my family. Still to this day I see them and speak to them more than my own biological mother and family…anyway that is not important… Anyway…so for years the adults of this family (my mom and dad) wanted to adopt me. Whenever the asked my bio mom she would say no. Don’t know what this exactly happened, I assume some time between 1998 and 2000, I overheard a conversation about this in 2000 before my bio mom stopped working for them…they must have asked her to adopt me and she said “Yes” but only if they bought her a house. They refused and so life went on as normal.

At that time I was calling them mom and dad and my bio mom buy her English Name. I asked my mom and dad why didn’t they go ahead with buying her a house and they said that I was not to be ‘sold’ and me having their surname meant nothing really, I called them mom and dad already and they had always thought of me as their daughter so it didn’t really matter that legally I wasn’t their child.

For years I was upset that my own mother, who had given birth to me and been with me my whole life would actually be willing to sell me. She never knew I knew so I kept quite about it and never directly held it against her. As I grew up I learnt to understand why she wanted a house in exchange for me. She grew up in the times of Apartheid and because of her being Black and having not completed high school and her age and the point of where she was in her life she knew she had limited options for where her life would be. It is fair that she wanted something that was her own and I suppose she felt a house was that thing. She didn’t have the means to get herself a house and so she tried to get it the easiest way she could. She has always known that even though I know she is gave birth to me and that she loves me, to me my real parents where her bosses…a ‘white’ couple.  When I think about this it does hurt but I understand and in the end it never happened and I have moved on. Last time I saw my bio mom was last year when she came down from the Eastern Cape to spend a few days with me. We have a good relationship and speak every few weeks and all is well.