Why do I feel so lost
It seems I find myself searching for a life that may or may not be reality. What is wrong with my reality? I know I am not happy. I think….I know I am settling for a life am living. I don’t know if it is fear or belief this is what I deserve. I know for the year I was free it was better than it is now. I don’t know, or maybe I do, if I still love you. I believe there is too much history for a future. Too much history and a stubbornness not to change. I wish I could say wiliness, that would be more like it because we are all able to change. Over 30 years we have grown. You have grown closer to me but I have grown farther away from you. Too much damage in my mind that I believe it is too late for me to return to the love I once felt.
You wish you were the only facet in my life that I needed to change. You would just the be beginning to a whole new life. You never know if the grass is greener on the other side until you actually cross that road. I have crossed the road and that grass was so much better but for some reason I let the bungie pull me back and I am continually staying on this patch of grass.
I know one day I will crave what I had on the other side and once again I will be happier.
I would find things in life that you are happy with and just go with that.
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