Sasha- I miss him still

It pains me how much I miss him. Is he alright? I wanna make sure his heart is doing ok.  I wanna help him heal his heart. I wanna focus on him so that way I don’t have to focus on my own pain. Because my own pain is unbearable. It’s unbearable to lose someone who you were getting close to. Who I was getting close to. Who I was falling for and could see being with long-term. I don’t even know him. All I know is that he’s in love with her and he feels nothing for me. NOTHING. A big giant snowfield of pristine untouched snow. That’s what he feels for me. So untouched that hasn’t thought of tapping into that part of the fantasy yet. Untouched in his thoughts of being with me. Untouched of his desire for curiosity. He only wants a grand slam and then to go about his way. Why do I delude myself of other stories besides the one he shows me? Why do I wanna believe that he will catch feelings and will wanna commit. The story of feeding myself that story. The delusional fog that I love so much! It comforts me. It prevents me from feeling pain. Maybe my pain is so unbearable that I’d rather lie to it.