email to Jem

Hi Jem,

I am writing after getting the news that my dad is in hospital again. He reported that he was blacking out and had not slept for a week. I think it will turn out not to be a critical admission, he will be released tomorrow and go back to his fetid squalor. I think I already told you that his house is a shambles. My wife (who said we are separated last time I asked) chimed in to say to me that while I am without a job and as my sisters are interstate and overseas it fell to me to tidy up his house. There are quite a few support payment schemes in Australia, I am not sure there are equivalents in Zimbabwe. You know things like unemployment and sickness benefits. Another is carers. So if you look after person you can get a stipend from the government. She said I should apply for carer’s benefits and take care of my dad’s affairs. I have a heart, I would like to do the right thing but I know how stubborn my dad can be. The house is a very depressing environment and I worry about my own mental health being there.

So that might become my lot in life, looking after my dad, until we get to a state where we can get him into an assisted living residence and sell his house. I don’t know.

On a broader level, yes the meds are still causing me to be hungry all the time. I can’t be phaffed fighting the hunger – I just eat more. As a result I have put on 2 to 3 kilos. Last time I was taking lithium I ended up feeling like an overweight zombie. That has not played out to same extent yet, I feel kinda of sound mind. Regardless I am not very excited about life, I am a bit remote and withdrawn.

I have been going to a friend’s house for Friday afternoon drinks the last few weeks. It is about my only social contact and I look forward to it for release and entertainment. Last Friday another friend was there as well. Anyway my host got onto some very dark thoughts. In a very abridged version of the conversation he hinted at having trouble reconciling having brought his two sons into such a terrible world. He is going though a bitter divorce so we have to forgive his contemplations.

Personally I don’t think the world is so terrible. I do think that anyone who is paying attention will clearly see we are headed to a worldwide cataclysm of over population and resource limitation that would cause any feeling sensitivity doubts about the future. Right now though we can bury our heads in the sand and carry on regardless if we feel like it. I am trying to say it is not the world that is terrible, just what we have made of it.

Please write on about what you have soldiering on through, I will read it with interest, but I may not reply quickly.

peace,