having fun learning about secured transactions

I skipped a study day today. I don’t have days off but I just couldn’t do it. I know I’m behind, but man some days are soul crushing. Like yesterday, I was doing secured transactions (if you don’t know what that is, have no fear, because I don’t either). It was a solid 12 hours. 12 hours of me sitting at my desk trying to figure out how to attach, then how to perfect, then what the hell a purchase money security interest is. (it’s when you give collateral in the thing you’re using the loan for… I think? Or it could for credit, too. Whatever the hell that means.) And how a PMSI is different when it’s for inventory versus for goods. And how the fuck can you get a secured interest in proceeds? Seriously though, if anyone knows please feel free to explain. And then there’s priority. Arguably the most important part, and the part I understand least. Twelve hours, guys. Twelve hours. At the end of it, I couldn’t remember my own name, my body was shaking, my head was pounding, and one eye wouldn’t open all the way.

That was considered .4% of my class. There’s no typo there. Not even a half a percent. I’m supposed to do 2% a day. So, I finished my day still not understanding Secured Transactions, and feeling like absolute shit.

And my next topic is Civil Procedure. My worst subject (I have a lot of worst subjects, attorneys generally specialize in one topic, the bar exam has ALL THE TOPICS and makes me hate the world so much).

I just couldn’t study today. I really felt like I was losing my mind. I still kinda feel like that, but today helped. I stayed in bed until 1pm and then Husband brought me coffee in bed (he’s the best). So I got up and decided I can’t face the day and decided to take an edible. After that I made lunch and then organized all of my kitchen cabinets, cleaned out my fridge, and reorganized my pantry. Husband bought me a new coffee machine, which arrived tonight (he’s the best), I’m obsessed with my new coffee machine. So, at 8pm, I drank a bunch of coffee and binged watched mindless trash tv.

And now its 2am and I’m word vomiting into OD to avoid going to bed because (1) I’m not sleepy and (2) I don’t want it to be tomorrow because I have to study and i dont want to.

I hate so much of my life. I can’t wait to stop being so depressed.