Anxious

Life is feeling really tough just now. My mental health is at an all time low and my support network feels non-existent. I’m finding it hard to differentiate between what is actually happening and the negative thoughts in my head.

I was at a work colleagues house for a BBQ today. Saw people I haven’t spoken to for months due to working from home. It was really hard and more than once I felt like people couldn’t follow my conversation, or found me awkward. I just felt out of place and like everyone else has been in regular contact with each other, whilst I’ve barely spoken to anyone. I don’t know how to fix it, but I’m finding work unbearable and incredibly lonely.

It’s 5 in the morning and the anxiety spiral has taken over. Over analysing things I said, or didn’t say. It just makes me want to disappear. I honestly don’t think anyone would care if i just didn’t turn up one day.

I tried to refer myself for therapy last week, but was told the waiting list was closed for new referrals. It was another blow. I’m considering just going private because this new baseline low is starting to scare me.