Thoughts & updates

So I didn’t write for a few days. I wish I could claim I was busy. But I spend most of my day sleeping. I don’t fall asleep until 4am and I end up sleeping until 9am, I get up and eat so I can take my meds, then I go back to bed til around 3pm. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t see a point.

I saw a friend on Tuesday, and I’m seeing two friends tomorrow. But honestly I’m so depressed I don’t even want to go. It’s so confusing because I am depressed because I’m out of work and I’m stuck at home, but because I’m depressed I have no motivation to leave the apartment. All I want to do is sleep. In the evening I watch TV for hours and read.

I want to fall asleep at a regular hour again. I want to stop feeling this way. I know I should find a psychiatrist and check my meds, they haven’t been changed in 10 years. But I have no motivation to do that either. I even canceled my therapy appointment for the second time in a month because I don’t feel like getting out of bed and talking about everything.

I had to push myself to even write on here. I just feel lost. I am losing myself.