Letting it drag on way to long… yelled at the wrong roommate.

This is not a healthy relationship by far and its gotten worse since he has his own place. Im ready to step away from him but I’m afraid to. I am totally unhappy and know that we want different things and we are different people. Just somehow, my mind has masqueraded it into thinking that it was love when he would kiss me. Its now total emptiness and I just want it to stay that way.

I am wanting my own apartment now more than ever. I am wanting to be in my own solitude back to normal. Not having any regrets of things I’m doing or saying. Not being stressed out over every little thing. I think Ive  lived here long enough and need to put in some serious phone calls while I do not have a way downtown to go to the library. I’ve been checking out books on my phone and reading them. Almost done with book #5 from Cirque Du Freak.

I need to make myself take my psyche meds. Its not healthy to just stop taking them. I do this all the time and dont know why? Even with phone alerts, I still dont take them but my thyroid meds and sleep meds.

22 days a habit? Ok lets do this.

I really dont want to be with him anymore. I really dont.

What hurt me the most is, I finally got to meet his brother and have lunch with him and his family. He’s a big to do in Orlando. Then I kept putting two and two together. And him hanging up on me.

I know hes not going to but I just wish he’d stop lying and leave me alone.

almost 5 years later