I failed the bar

Just like I thought. Got my results on Friday and my score today. The good news is I get to quit my job. The bad news is I have to start studying again. The worse news we’re back to being a one-income family. My husband has a good job but we’re basically paycheck-to-paycheck. We put a little aside each month in hopes the housing market will drop and we can swoop in and be homeowners. My extra paychecks for the month and a half I worked there, although not much, felt like a nice cushion of extra cash for us. I wish I could be one of those people who can work and study. I can’t even pass without having a job. The pass rate was REALLY low for this stupid online bar. It’s not enough that I have a JD… ugh. I’m so tired of this.

I wish I could be a writer. One of my degrees is in English (creative writing), and I love writing. My Capstone was in poetry. On the first day of law school orientation I met a professor who asked me about my undergrad. When I told her about my English degree she said she feels bad because law school is going to take that type of creativity away from me. I’m not sure if she was right or not. I don’t write as much anymore, but I think that’s mainly because of burnout. And because I’ve been away from it awhile, and it takes time to get back on the horse and remember the commands the horse likes. It’s also hard to write when I’m not constantly reading. The voice in head is different when I’m reading. I used to be always reading. My mom would ground me from books. Of course that stopped in law school. Hard to read for fun when you’re always behind on your reading for school… It’s also not as relaxing… Your brain is tired from all the casebooks and it doesn’t want to read more words. I just started reading again. But back to studying I go, so back to the shelves the books go.

Maybe we’ll win the lottery. My husband just handed me a lottery ticket before he went out and told me check the numbers. He said “if you’re not here when I get back, I understand.” God, I love his humor.

Overall, I feel okay. Tired of being tired, and stressing about all the future stress to come.