I miss something

  Good day to all.  As to the title, I have this feeling.  But I’m not sure what it is.  Its almost like I miss something or someone.  But I don’t know what it is.  Its made me think though.  There are plenty of things I miss and plenty of people I miss.  I think we all have our moments of what came before.  Even though we can never go back to those times, sometimes it’s not so bad to remember them.  This is probably going to just be a strange and most possibly incoherent entry so feel free to skip…

  This isn’t in any order, just whatever comes to mind.

I miss…

  Jenna.  They way we’d talk with one another.  The no-bullshit talk we’d use.  The verbal jousting we’d do, matching wits with one another.  How I was able to touch her and how she was able to touch me.  Just that something that’s deep inside, something that can’t be described.  But its just a little like coming home.  I hope that she’s happy where ever she is and with whatever she’s doing.

  Being at NMSU.  I miss how I lived alone.  It was just a little dorm room, but it was home to me.  It was my place and mine only.  But it was more than that, it was the campus.  I could go out at 2am and just follow the downhill curve through the campus on my skates.  I could feel the night air past my face, the smell of pine trees and water from the sprinklers.  The campus was almost empty, most students in their dorm rooms.  I didn’t have to tell anyone I was going anywhere.  I just left.  Since I didn’t have a car, I’d walk or skate everywhere.  If it was a nice day out I’d put something to drink in my backpack and walk to the mall or the wal-mart.  It was wonderful to feel the sun, comfortable shoes on my feet, and everything I needed in my backpack.

  Dela.  Things were different when we were together, we were different.  Life seemed almost simple in those moments, lying in the dark, hearing each other’s heartbeat.  The sound of her voice over a guitar or talking about mushy cheese.  There was something about that time.  Its almost as if there was music set over that period of our lives.  Things are different now, life is more complicated, we’re more complicated.  But I can always remember those moments and how the music meshed into our lives.

  Orchestra trips.  It was high school.  I’ve never really enjoyed my school experiences, I still don’t really.  Being the outsider kind of does that.  But there’s just something different when you all take a trip together.  The hours long rides in those greyhound-type buses, the talking and laughing, joking, sleeping.  I remember during one of those was the first time Nikki put her head on my shoulder as she slept.  It was the first time any girl had done that.  The feeling was so young and innocent and full of foolish love.  I remember it was four people to a room.  Cracking up with the guys until 2am, saying we’ll finally go to sleep and then Krillen’s laugh coming out of the darkness, setting us all laughing again. 

  Mervyns.  This one is kind of funny.  I don’t miss the long hours, the constant folding of shirts, or the rude customers and managers.  But I do miss the people I used to work with.  I went back there recently and most of the people I know have moved on.  I remember joking with friends in the backstock, playing quick draw with the scanner guns.  I remember laughing in the breakroom and making jokes.  The constant flirting that went on.  *laughs* I remember being known as a player, a mack daddy for who knows what reason at all.  The little inside jokes that no one else outside the store would know was funny.  It was our little world and we were the strangest family ever.

  Veronica.  I never really liked school, but that stands out as one of the best years of my life.  It was my junior year of high school.  She and I gave each other our first french kiss.  It was clumsy and full of teenage love, she was so nervous, she bit my lip.  But it was wonderful just the same.  She was sweet and cute, innocent, and beautiful.  I wish I had been a better boyfriend, but I guess that just comes with time and experience.  She was beautiful, but it took me in her life to make her believe it.  She was just a little shorter than me, enough that we’d be equal height when she was in heels and she was just the right size that even skinny me could pick her up, or dip her for a cheesy romantic kiss, but not so light that she looked like an Olsen twin.  Hehe.  People thought we were the perfect couple and that we’d be together forever.  Funny how things change.

  I’m sure there are probably more things, but I’ll stop here for now.  Life is hardly ever what we expect it to be.  I guess how we deal with those changes is what makes us happy or regretful.  Good day to all.

-Damien