Closing Walls and Ticking Clocks

  Good day to all.  Here at work, enjoying the wonders of fries and a cheeseburger with bacon from Whataburger.  I have a French test on Wed.  Arg!  I rather that it was a test on my kissing abilities with some hot French girl, but alas, its over grammer and speaking.  I’m already late on submitting a pitch for screenwriting.  At first I was thinking of just picking one of a few stories I already had and converting it.  But then I was listening to music on my mp3 player on the way from class and it reminded me of something.

  It started out with TNT network playing Daredevil over and over and over during the summer.  While I like the movie, I don’t like enough to watch it that many times.  Anyway, there’s a song on there, its the part where Matt’s dad goes back into boxing and Matt starts discovering his new abilities.  Its not on the soundtrack and it took me awhile to find the name and the band.  Its Hoobstank’s Right Before Your Eyes.  The song really fits the scene, which is something that has become more rare in movies lately.  Anyway, Matt is talking about how they vowed to each other to never give up, to become fearless.

  Its that song that came on my mp3 player today.  It made me think about something Krillen and I were talking about lately.  I’m not into new year’s resoultions and I’ve never really made them.  But one thing I did want to begin this year and this semester was based on that theme, no fear, to be fearless.  I’ve been trying to do that every time something comes up that I get nervous as to the outcome.  So, here I was going to take the easy way out with just converting one of my old stories.  But I’m not, I’m going to go ahead with a new idea I had, even though I know its one that would probably be very hard to realistically make, but I’m going to go for it nevertheless. 

  Anyway, in other news…  Its pretty much already decided that the dog is not staying.  My mother just wants to try and find a good home for it.  But if we seriously can’t then she’s going to give him to the adoption center here.  They keep the dog until they find a home for it, its not like animal control, where they keep it for awhile and then gas them.  So, one way or another that dog will have a new home, hopefully sooner rather than later.  But in the aftermath of the incident with the dog, other things were brought up that would have probably never have surfaced before.

  My father and I have never had the best of relationships.  As a child I looked up to him as most young boys do to their fathers.  However, as I grew older our relationship drifted farther and farther apart.  Now we share little in common, including in our personal outlooks.  We talk little and usually its the kind of small talk or discussions you’d share with a familiar aquaitance.  In recent years we had been getting closer, repairing some of the damage over the years.  The issues this animal caused just, well its like this.  You get a couple of climbers that that are trying to get to the top of the same moutain.  As they get farther up the mountain it gets skinner.  So, even though they’re on seperate sides, they can now kind of see one another and talk to one another.  That would continue until they reached the top, where they could finally speak to each other and be heard every time and see one another, eye to eye.  Now, in the case of my father and I, we were just getting to see one another and hear one another.  But when the issues with the dog came up, its like sliding down to the bottom again, you can’t see the other climber and you can’t hear the other climber.  Yet, you know they’re there.  That’s where my father and I are at now.  We know each other is there, but can’t see or hear the person.  And that’s just the way it is.

  Then, things with my mother are neither better nor worse.  I think that we just understand each other a little better.  I don’t think makes things any better because just because you learn more about a person to understand them, doesn’t mean you like or agree with what you learn.  So, that’s another thing that is just the way it is. 

  Let’s see what else is going on.  I had another SWSR (so wrong, so right) experience this weekend.  I ran into my cousin, who we’ll called Lizzie.  Little bit of background…  I spoke about a year back having to go through religious confirmation classes.  Well, the first day I got into class I was early, so I’m sitting there just waiting, watching the other people come into class.  And this one girl walks in, I thought she was pretty cute, hot even.  So, I’m subtely eyeing this girl and caught her eying me a couple of times.  A few classes pass like this and then one sunday after mass I go over to my family and they’re talking to a couple of people.  It isn’t until I get over there that I see them talking to an older women and the hottie from my class.  Its then that we both find out that we’re like 4rd? 5th? cousins, somehow distantly related.  I couldn’t keep up with the twisted way through the family tree that we’re related, so I’m related to Lizzie and she to me.  But the thing is, my sisters and I haven’t had much contact with extended family and none whatsoever of the family that Lizzie hails from.  So, its weird being related to someone, but they’re still like a complete stranger.  So, its even more weird being attracted to her, knowing that we’re related, very distantly, but still related.  And come to think of it, since I did catch her eying me a couple of times, possibly she is attracted, or possibly was until we found out we’re related, to each other.  Anyway, as said, we don’t see each at all except for occasionally bumping into each other at church.  So, its always weird seeing her cause I still find her attractive, but she’s related…distantly.

  Anyways, there’s been alot to think about lately.  I’m trying to deal with everything and somehow I’m finding my way, even though it can seem overwhelming at times.  I don’t know exactly how its happening, but we’ll just have to see where things go.  Good day to all.

-Damien