Invisible…

“…I’m never alone, I’m alone all the time.” -Glycerine by Bush

“…I sing the song of the knight that walks alone. Only by destiny and not by choice.” Knight Song by me

Good evening to all. Originally I wasn’t going to write in here again today. But something has been bothering me alot lately and I’ve always written to get it out, but something just gave me the need to write it here, to share it. I guess, mostly from the fact that this probably happens to alot of people and I doubt that many people are aware of it.

I don’t think I’ve talked about it before. It’s that thing that I call being the person on the side. It basically that person that is there, but to everyone else that person isn’t. This is something that has happened to me pretty much throughout my life. No matter what I do, no matter how social, how involved, how much I try it never makes a difference. I’m always the loner, the one no one wants to be partners with, the one no one chooses, the friend that never gets hugged while all the othes do, the one no one waves to, says hello to, asks to do things with, call, writes…the list goes on and on, believe me. I’m always the first to offer my help, the first one to give comfort or aid, and the first one forgotten. Even with friends. In all honesty I only have two IRL friends that doesn’t do that. And one of them back in my home town which means that I hardly get to hang out with him. And the other is busy with work and all. And all my other friends that don’t do that are net friends, which well honestly, not seeing them IRL makes a difference. I’m tired of being the one making the effort. I have to be the one to call, to write, to email, to IM. It gets so bad that sometimes I feel like shouting, “I’m here damnit! I’m not invisible!” but even if I did I know it wouldn’t do any good. *shrugs* It’s not anyone’s fault. We’ve all just been raised in a society of looks and I’m just not good looking enough to be worth the second glance. I’m decent looking, but nowadays even that isn’t enough. And even those that do get to know me end up as friends. I’m don’t think I’ve ever been considered as dating material in a group of friends I’ve been in. I’m just the one to go crying to when things go wrong and the one to forget about when everything is peachy. I don’t mind being a girl’s friend, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less when she goes out with jerks aplenty but doesn’t give the guy that would treat her like a princess a second thought. I’ve been considered good looking, handsome even. But never fine, never hot, never desirable. *sighs* I’m just tired of it, I’m tired of all the effort I have to put it. I’m tired of being the one that everyone forgets. I’m tired of being tired. And on this note I’ll end the rant. Anyone who’s read this far I thank you. Just one more thing as it comes to mind. If you can’t really relate, look at your circle of friends. Someone might be hurting alot worse than you know.

Tenchi

“…the cultivation of the mind, the body and the soul, and we must always cultivate the soul.”