December 2, 2004

[Un]comfortably Numb

I have not written in quite some time. But you know me…for everything there is a reason.

Maestro’s life has been going…interestingly. It is not without fun…it is not without stress. It is not without happiness, not without sadness. Not without simplicity, not without madness. Clouded with love and shrouded with hate. So Maestro’s life goes…as of late. Hmmm, that became rather poetic. Anyway, onto business. Perhaps you noticed the Pink Floyd reference in the title?

“I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.”

Except Maestro is UNcomfortably numb. He has lost all feeling, due to an overload of them all. He has had too much drawing, too much writing, too much acting, too much painting, too much filming, too much sculpting, too much studying, too much working, too much thinking, too much watching, too much listening, too much feeling, too much loving, too much hating…And yet, he has had none. I realize this makes no sense, but as best as I can describe it…this is how Maestro feels.

He has been unable to draw or sculpt anymore. He has lost his inspiration. He has been unable to act or film anymore. He has lost his enthusiasm. He has been unable to think anymore…he has lost his motivation. He has…been unable to sleep anymore…

He is never really awake anymore, and never really asleep.

Why exactly all of this has come to be I am not exactly certain. Maestro’s mind is a complex thing. But certainly he is not what he should be….he finds himself unable to do all the things he always did so well and with such great joy. But of course, he is also unable to do the things he never did that well or found great joy in. But that is not the point.

I am merely explaining why I have not been writing lately. Now you know that our Hero is very troubled…and so perhaps you can understand that I may not be writing again for quite some time. His adventures will continue…but they may be darker in nature…and I will likely lose the ambition to record them in this diary. Because, as I said, Maestro has lost his ambition in almost every aspect of his life.

If you have any special concerns, feel free to speak to Maestro online [Mizternobody]…but I will warn you…he does not frequent the computer like he used to…but you already knew that. But if you are persistent, and your intentions are true, then our Hero will gladly talk to you…because in many ways, it is his friends that have always helped him and they are just about the only thing that keeps him going anymore…

To all of you who have been there for Him…thank you. Maestro now goes to…ENJOY HIS BLOODY WEEKEND! Man has he been waiting for this…

So until I actually do save the world from uncomfortable numbness…

The Universe Can Wait

December 3, 2004

I wish…I could tell you . . . everything.

BlueEyes418

Overload…I hope things get better. If you ever feel like saying hello to someone new… blueeyes041878 (That’s my birthday: 04-18-78. Eegads! I’m getting old!!)

masked beatrice

December 4, 2004

I understand the overload thing… you feel like your swimming in circles and the riptide of… everything, is just pulling you under… yeah, second quarter’s the worst. if you ever need to talk, though, I’m here for you. <3.

[moonlit rose]

I know how that is. You feel as if your trapped, but ou don’t know what your trapped by cuz theres so much crap going on… I’m here if you ever need anything…

IAmKingRex

oh no, Nathan’s going goth. if it helps, I enjoy your videos.

somewhere uncertain

hey, i’ve been reminiscing the old days when we were better friends, at collegiate we never seen each other. I know exactly what you are saying, if fact, it’s the same thing i am feeling but cannot put it in words…. you’ll always be a good friend of mine, I hope we don’t continue to grow appart.-Katherine

December 6, 2004

RYN: Already got the Franz Ferdinand… probably getting the album for Christmas.

~love from luna~

December 7, 2004

oh no… when I have become so happy!! poor Nate!! I love you babe! I will try to catch you on-line! I am here for you… WHEN EVER!!! so talk to me… I’m here! BIG I’M SO SORRY YOU ARE DOWN KISS ~Luna~

a visit from cool people is always welcome 🙂 and i hope you begin to feel better… i agree with emily though, second quarter always sucks loves.

The Jester

December 8, 2004

truly, mate, everyone will say this, but you know I’ll actually do it… you wanna talk, find me sometime. We’ll have a straight talk, no bullshit. You wanna keep those feelings inside and deal with ’em on your own, that’s fine too. You’re a strong-willed, intelligent dude. but even the strongest,most intelligent dudes shouldn’t necesarrily be dancin’ in the darkness. Just me, baby, just me.

Ahhh… I care so much… when you need to talk just talk to me I give great advice espcially when I’m so extreamly happy… Oh like yo needed that.. WOW I AM SUCH A F*CKING LOSER! lol…. Did I make you laugh? I hope so.. I don’t want you to be sad… I am here for you!!! Talk to me on-line… I’ll im you later.. If I on’t get it right away its cos Andrew is over… BIG I LOVE YOU KISS ~Luna~

corola

i felt like that about a month ago. my advice is to find your inspiration again. if you find your inspiration then hopefully everything will fall back into place.

Responses to your questions: When are you returning to Erie? the 18th Um…What are two more good questions? What is your favorite color? and What is your favorite kind of pop? Hey! What was I thinking? You were thinking, uh, I’m Nate, I can’t be normal.

awww sweetie.. i’m sorry I stopped our conversation short today.. I was distracted… but anytime I will be there. I love you Nate! BIG FEEL BETTER DAMNIT KISS ~Luna~

I know what you mean ready my diary to see what I have had to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RYN: Lol, apparently you were born in the wrong month.

December 15, 2004

I assume that by now you’ve either had time to talk to someone and/or deal with things and move on. I also assume you probably haven’t really done either of these things or have only done them half-assedly. trust me, I’ve been there. lol. I hope your situation’s improved, though. Update, boy. The power of God compells you!

December 16, 2004

“The Suspense is Terrible… I hope it lasts” Addams Family. Snootchie Bootchies. Adios

Punkus Americanus

December 20, 2004

“When I was young I had a fever….my hands felt like two ballons…” Prime song choice, I tell you. I love how you write in third person. I also like the artwork on the first page. A-plus. And inspiration usually comes in bouts. Try reading books…or wait, I have this book… *goes and checks* Yeah, it’s called “Writer’s Block” and it’s a big chunky book that gives a lot of inspiration. Cha.