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life has been so busy its unbearable.  Once school started any leisure time i had before just flew out of the window. its crazy that at one point i was a diary keeping fanatic and now i only get around to writing once every couple of months.  I havent even been reading Lamar and Pher’s diaries either.  school has kept me busy with homework.  the work at hunter isnt hard and the kids in my classes arent the brightest but i have decided to approach hunter like its harvard and work my ass off despite the fact that i could easily do well without much effort.  All of my hard work has paid off and ive gotten A’s on everything so far.  i set up meetings with academic and faculty advisors for this week to discuss declaring my major and figuring out if i can graduate with honors if i take a semester abroad.   a year ago i would never have thought that i would be at hunter right now, but im going to make the best of it and use all of its resources to make sure i dont have a hard time getting into law school.  anyway besides school stress i am still unemployed.  I have been searching for a bartending job for months now and as of yet every cool opportunity has blown up in my face and most frustrating of all, for reasons that have very little or nothing to do with me or my skill.  I feel so stagnant and stuck. Im in a hole.  My one goal for this year, the one thing i need to do is move out of my mom’s house and because i dont have a job i cant do that.  im always running out of money and it just makes my whole life feel like shit.  I dont know wat im going to do.  I have had crazy thoughs running through my head like " i could move out in two months if i became a stripper"  but no matter how enticing the money sounds i cant bring myself to take my clothes off for dollar bills.   plus doing anything besides bartending means that i wasted a wopping 700 bucks to get certified for nothing.  so week after week i keep searching. pray for me, its looking like divine intervention may be the only way ill get a job at this point. 

Joseph and i are still dating. at the beginning of the month we celebrated dating for 6 months.  my stress from school and work have made me very uptight and that was affecting us. i had to talk to myself and force myself to let go of the things that are bothering me when im with him.   ive gotten better and we have been having a great time ever since.  i plan on seeing him later today actually.  gigi thinks its kind of weird that we have been dating just about every week for 6 months and yet we have not committed to eachother and become boyfriend and girlfriend. but when i brought the issue up a few months ago it was clear from his reponse that he doesnt have time for a gf.  back then i was annoyed about that, but right now with the way my life is working out i really dont have time or resources to be the kind of gf that i would want to be and so i completely understand where he’s coming from now.  i wont be ready for a bf until my life is together … until i have a steady job and have my own place.  since i dont see that happening anytime soon it would be stupid of me to bring up the bf/gf thing again. i mean i do want a committed relationship with him eventually, but i feel like we have a better chance of lasting a long time if we wait until both of us feel like we are in the position to handle the responsibilities of commitment.

In my world of friends things have been rocky.  this week Nia’s mom died.  It was the most shocking and devestating loss.  It seemed to come out of no where and nia of course is sadder than i have ever seen her.  she is trying to deal with it by not addressing it.  she talks and acts like everything is ok, but i know its not.  but how do u comfort someone who doesnt want to talk about it? i guess all i can do is make sure she knows that i love her and im here for her and maybe she will use me as a shoulder.  gigi’s dad is sick and in the hospital and for a second there i thought the same thing was about to happen to gigi.  but i think he’s getting better and hopefully he can leave the hospital soon.  but anyway, i have an ass load of stuff to do around the house …. ciao.

RIP Sherry Denise Chaney

March 22nd 2006